Amazon Reviews for Real Life Events

Gabriel Güeiros
Sep 3, 2018 · 4 min read

Dave and Camille Housewarming Party

Dave invited us for a housewarming party on his recently bought suburban apartment. We had to drive 1.5 hours to get there, and when we got there, Dave spent 45 minutes telling us how easy it is to commute from his new place to downtown and how now he is gonna be able to catch up on all those books that he got on his kindle. I would like to get a refund on those 45 minutes. I have a vast knowledge of the transit system in the city that I grew up, and I found the detailed explanation completely unnecessary. Also, we all know that he will just check his Instagram feed and spend all his data watching YouTube videos.

2/5 stars


Co-Worker’s Goodbye Party

Party was great, but I have no idea who was going away.

4/5 stars


Kelsey’s Board Game Night

It took us 1 hour to understand the rules. 6 hours to play the game and 1.5 hours to decide where to order food. I was not prepared for that amount of time with all those people. I enjoyed more trying to find a restaurant that would please Katheryn that is vegan, Sara that is allergic to peanuts, Josh that doesn’t eat gluten, Janet that is on paleo and Damien that is avoiding sugar than trying to solve economic problems with plastic spaceships. Next time we could just play “Guess who has a new diet/allergy now?”.

3/5 stars


Couple’s 6 Years Fancy Restaurant Anniversary Date

We should have just binged something on Netflix.

2/5 stars


The Pub Crawl

The plan was to hit 6 bars in one night and finish in this dope ass secret cocktail lounge on top of a yogurt factory. At the second bar, we lost almost 60% of the people. When we hit the third one, it was just two drunk dudes, me and a couple trying to prove to themselves that they are still fun. We never made to the fourth one. I cab home and vomit the dinner’s prawns.

3/5 stars


That 900 Dollars Cooking Class

I can do my own pasta now and also I don’t have money to eat outside for two months, so my only option is to eat my own pasta.

4/5 stars


Marco Traditional Latinx Party

Muy Bueno! We loved the party. We were there as friends of a friend, but as soon as we got there, we could feel the warmth and welcoming of the Mexican culture. It took us back to our days in Cancún. The tacos were so good and also the tortillas. The folkloric music was like silk massaging our ears. We would definitely go back.

5/5 stars

verified response: Marco here, I’m actually from Venezuela, and the tacos were brought by my Korean friend. I’m pretty sure that there was some kimchi on them. I guess the tortillas you mean Tostitos? We also only played Jeniffer Lopez (as a joke), Cardi B and Migos. Plus, our air conditioning just broke.


That Half Marathon With Your Clearly More Prepared Friends

I now own a backpack that has a water tank on it. I can drink water through a tube while moving. I hope that I get thirsty on my ten minutes daily commute.

2/5 stars


Conservative Uncle’s Barbecue Party

The sausages were juicy and flawlessly cooked despite “the Chinese are laundering money in the real state business, that’s why the prices are so high,” “if you were born that way you should use that bathroom” and “refugees are lazy and just wanna live out of welfare” comments as seasoning.

2.5/5 stars


The First Yoga Class of Your Recently Bought 10 Days Pass

I will probably come back only once more and feel guilty about all the money that I wasted but I will brag about the benefits of this classes for at least 6 months. Overall, worth it.

4.5/5 stars


Your Work’s Soccer Team!

I sign up for this because I thought we would play maybe once a month. But what I didn’t know was that people take sports very seriously. We are playing every Sunday, and now they started training every Wednesday! I’m 35 years old, I refuse to practice to a sport that I’m already too old to play professionally. They even have orange cones. I’m not running around cones, I have dignity.

1/5 stars


Your Friend Kid’s Birthday When You Don’t Have Kids

Sometimes I regret my vasectomy. Not today.

5/5 stars

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eats existential crisis for breakfast.

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