How To Do Mondays, The “Ultimate” Guide
Day 57/365: Look no further, this is how you do Mondays that don’t hurt and can be lived as Fridays… well, almost…
Monday, the first day of the week, the awakening, the end of the dream that was the weekend, the commute, the office, the boring lunch, the bad coffee, the parking lot that’s always busy, the streets that are cold and grey. If that’s how you see every Monday of your life, you’re not the only one.
Mondays are hard. I’m not going to lie, but since I’ve gathered the courage and became a full-time freelancer, Mondays for me, although a little easier, are still challenging because, just like you, I also have a working schedule, I also need coffee and I also struggle to get into the mood after a relaxing weekend. I do, you do, we all do, so stop playing the victim card.
I decided to do a minute-by-minute guide on how to survive any Monday and not hate yourself at the end of the day. It’s easier said than done, but if you’re really trying to understand Mondays and not just be judgemental about them, then this guide is for you and for your wellbeing.
6:58 — Alarm goes off
It’s Monday morning again. The bed feels at its best. It’s much softer and fluffier than it was on Sunday morning. You’re simply sinking into the mattress like you’re in an expensive Marriott suite at the top of the hotel. The phone is still on your side, but for some reason, you can’t seem to reach it. Your hand is numb.
OMG, I’m having a stroke! This is it.
Then you slowly start to get some feeling in your hand and realise you’ve been sleeping on it for the past 4 hours. You turn off the alarm, blink for 5 times in a row and somehow manage to wake up. It’s Monday again, fuck me!
7:10 — Bathroom time
Although the heat is on and has been for the whole night, the minute you step out of your bed, you feel like you’re right in the middle of the Siberian tundra. There’s a white polar bear where your home desk should be, a glacier boat somewhere behind your TV and a lot of ice thorns on your wardrobe door.
You go to the bathroom as you try to reserve the energy that you have left and stop your body from going into hypothermic shock. You turn on the shower, but instead of a soothing hot water stream, it feels like you’re standing in front of a jet engine at 4 AM. Naked.
Once you’re done with the shower, you brush your teeth and you’re ready for the day, but still asleep.
7:50 — Breakfast
You love eggs. But it’s Monday, so you don’t even love your own self or your dog or cat, let alone some gross shelled undeveloped chicken embryos. Everything is more real on Monday mornings, even some simple eggs. You fry them, you eat them like pills and you drink a can of tea, just to help them get down your throat and not suffocate in the process. You love food and breakfast. It must be Monday again. Monday breakfasts are impossible.
8:25 — Commute
You get into your car and you’re still 35% asleep, so you turn up the radio and search for that station that sets a good mood for the ride. But somehow it’s like the entire radio stations available have set on slow, painful, sleepy music for the morning, Monday morning, in an attempt to get you to sleep at the wheel and crash into a three or something.
You keep turning the little radio wheel in your dashboard until you find “50 Cent — Candy Shop” on one of the station. “Yes! I love this song” you say, as you start singing along. But happiness is impossible on Monday mornings. It’s just the last chorus of the song, followed by an impossibly long conversation between the morning show hosts.
The traffic? Well, it’s Monday morning, of course, the traffic is deathly. You’re not the only one who hates Mondays, his job, the fact that the radio plays only classical music during your commute or every single person that’s next to you on the road. It’s Monday’s fault, you’re not a bad person, so let it go.
9:00 — Work
You’re at work and everybody is not ready for the new week. One of your colleagues is simply sleeping while standing, like a horse. Your boss looks agitated in his shiny compartmented glass office at the end of the hallway, while you and other employees wait for him in the conference room.
He greets you all with a little smile but immediately starts assigning tasks. Bad luck: you’re up for the call with that impossible client that hammered your colleague last week, and if you’re not coming out of it successfully, your boss will simply break his office down and glass will shatter all over the place.
“No pressure!” he says, trying to sound funny. So you spend half of your day trying to come up with a pitch for the idiot client, a quarter of it drinking bad coffee and eating a 3 days old gas station sandwich and the other quarter failing to get in touch with your client.
You leave the call for Tuesday, but then the client calls you back, complains about your insistence and then tells you to call him back tomorrow.
17:00 — Home
You’re done. You weren’t sure if you’re going to make it or not after lunch. Yes, you had that little blackout while you walked to the bathroom, but it turned out to be just hunger. Yes, you thought about jumping head first into the water dispenser once or twice, but hey, your primal survival instincts worked once again. You’re alive, barely, but Monday is over.
The truth is, Mondays are the worst. This is not so much of a guide, but an exposure of what Mondays really look like for many of us. Maybe you can relate to it and stop feeling like a loner, a victim and a target on your Mondays after reading this piece.
If you can do that with a smile on your pale face, then you’re one step closer to freeing yourself from the Triwizard Tournament that is Monday. Or a psychopath, one of the two, anyway, you won and that’s what matters.
Thank you for your time!
If you want an article like the one above for your blog or website, or any type of content for that matter, you can reach me on my content creator page HERE and we can come up with the best writing piece for you and your business!
My name is Gabriel Iosa, I’m a 25 years old travel enthusiast, food lover, Psychology student, Full-time Freelancer, writer and Instagram fanatic. You can follow me @gabrieliosa, and if you liked this post, give it exactly 45 claps!
I’m on a mission to write 365 articles in 2018. This is definitely the biggest writing challenge of my life so far. If you’d like to be part of the journey, please follow me here on Medium.com for the daily posts!
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