On Making Things Right

Day 220/365: You can’t make things right on your own, so you can simply transcend the situation

Photo by Nathan Fertig on Unsplash

I talked about forgiveness and how to make things right with my friend the other night. He told me he had a relative he couldn’t get to come to her senses and just make peace with him and the entire family. He was a second or third-degree relative, but still, it was uncomfortable for him to be having such a situation in the immediate family.

I told him the only way he can “save” that relative from being angry and not talk to the whole family is by 1) making the first step, ergo, go and talk to the family member at hand and 2) having the family member open to things going back to normal.

If 1) is taken cared off, 2) is the only thing he can’t have any control over, as the openness of somebody is that somebody’s business. If that relative is so stubborn and so aggravated, in her head, of course, about the stuff that maybe happened a month or a year ago, you can do close to nothing to change that perspective.

You can’t change an elephant into a rat.

My advice to my friend and maybe to all of you who are struggling with family or friends that are not opened to making things right again is to stop trying to make peace with them and start making peace with yourselves.

If you are the one who’s trying to make peace with that person, chances are you somehow blame yourself for him or her not talking to you. When in fact, you’re just a kind, loving person who, although is aware of the fact that you’ve done nothing wrong, you still want to make things right.

But why?

Why would you waste your time and energy on trying to change a person?

You can’t do that.

Why would you waste your precious mind space with thoughts about this relative or friend who’s never going to be taking you seriously, and just feel like you’re persecuting him, somehow and for some reason?

Just stop.

Trying to make things right requires effort from both sides. If one side has no interest in changing the current status, the other side’s struggles will be futile. Don’t try to make things right when there’s no way you can do that.

Allow yourself to overcome the situation, accept it as it is and then simply return to the peace of mind you so much desire by forgiving yourself and stop trying to convince yourself you’re the one to blame for the situation.

You are most certainly not, so just transcend the situation. It takes time, of course, but it’s the only way to make things right, given the circumstances.

Thank you for your time!

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