What An Abuser Really Looks Like
Danielle Campoamor
1946

Coming from an abusive family, I can completely relate to your many points, but I also feel as if you’re unintentionally perpetuating the same issue that you’re fighting against — mass generalizations. You laid out “the rule” for abusive men, but this concept in and of itself doesn’t exist. It’s another way of perpetuating a box that an abuser should fit in, but there is no box. There is no set norm or way of being. There is no description of an “abuser” other than the suffering they inflict. In my mind, if we truly want society to destroy their blinders, it’s to teach them how to read an individual in a moment — to understand what they’re doing, how it effects you, and what choice you want to make in the moment. We are ever changing humans that shift, alter and morph from moment to moment. The more we can open our eyes to who we are, and provide the tools to know how to get what we want, potentially, we can we destroy labels that keep us imprisoned as the “victim” or the “abuser”.

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