The Fear of Being Unlovable
What does it mean to be unlovable? In order for one to be unlovable, one must have unattractive or unappealing qualities. As humans there may be many characteristics that we believe is unattractive. Some could be egocentrism, nose picking, body odor, pessimism, overly-emotional, unmotivated, etc. But the great part of being human is that we are all entitled to our own opinions and what may be unappealing to one could be different for another. So why do I feel so unlovable? Unfortunately for me, I had a four hour drive back to school so I had plenty of time to think on this idea.
I began to overthink everything that made me unique.
Could it be my music taste? The fact that my body is shaped differently than most? Or is it because I feel every emotion in it’s entirety?
Could it be the acne that covers my cheeks? The fact that my mouth has a mind of it’s own? Or is it because I crave love and attention?
My mind then led me to wonder why we as humans crave love and attention. Why can’t I just be content alone in my own presence?
The simple answer is we, as humans, are not programmed to be alone forever. Some may be better at it than others but no matter how introverted you may be, you will still get an urge to be social every once in awhile because that is our animal instinct. We choose to coexist and procreate with another being because we were not made to be alone.
I’ve been in love twice in my life. Each time a relationship ended it caused so much fear that I would never find love again. You would think that fear would have left me after my first relationship ended and low and behold I began a new one not long after. Deep down we all know we are worthy of love and that we will all find our perfect match one day. But when time is slowly ticking away and everyone around us seems to be effortlessly in love or the romance books you read push your standards higher than ever before and the pain you feel in your chest becomes slightly unbearable, you start to convince yourself that you are unlovable.
Love is like the wind, you can’t see it but you can feel it. — Nicholas Sparks
One of the hardest things in life is changing your mindset after believing in something for so long. Convincing yourself that you are beautiful, kind, approachable, smart, and yes, LOVABLE, can be extremely difficult. It takes a lot of time and dedication. I am slowly learning to love who I am. I am learning to love my body; learning to love my smart mouth; learning to love my emotional side; learning to love my own company; and learning to love my brain. I think everyone can relate in some way. We are all different in our own ways. Life would be incredibly boring if we were all the same. Our bodies are shaped differently but that doesn’t make anyone more or less attractive. The way people interpret their emotions is different from one another but that doesn’t mean they are invalid. It is okay to be alone as there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. And finally, our brains are all hardwired differently but that doesn’t mean we are any less smart or valuable to this society. Some of us are skilled at critical thinking, some are great at math, some are talented at art, and some even need medicine to function day to day. It can be so incredibly frustrating when you just wish your brain would cooperate with your body, whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, ADHD, ADD, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, etc. I understand the wish for your brain to just be “normal”. But I am here to tell you, that you don’t need to be anyone except yourself. I am here to tell you that you are normal. I am here to tell you that I am proud of the choices you have made for your life no matter how difficult they may have been.
You are not alone and you are not unlovable.
No matter how many times a day I struggle with life I am alive for a reason. I am living for my 2 year old nephew who needs his Aunt. I am living for my 2 older siblings who need their younger sister. I am living for my best friends who continue to support my decisions even when they are completely insane. I am living for my mother who gave up her entire life to protect me. Most importantly, I am living for MYSELF. I am challenging you to be selfish, to be loud, to be smart, to be kind, to be adventurous and to be anything you dream of in this world! For all I care, this world revolves around you! We are all made unique for a reason. Don’t let fear stand in your way of being yourself!
