Books Are the Holy Grail of Presents
Don’t even bother trying to fight me on this

I like presents. Positively adore them. Might even say that I love them. Ugh, it’s just so hard to find a word to accurately describe my feelings toward something so divine.
My favorite present has got to be…wait for it…a Barnes and Noble* gift card. I’m not kidding. (Dad, before you make a comment about returning the other things you’ve bought me throughout the years, do not.)
Seriously, when I die, spread my ashes throughout the store. There is truly no place I’d rather rest. That new book smell? To. Die. For.
Despite the greatness of a gift card, it is not the best present you could buy someone. No, my dear friends, it’s a book.
Here’s why:
1. A book is more intimate
I compare it to showing someone a song that means a lot to you. It creates a connection and puts a part of yourself out there for that person to see. Your favorite book, or a book you think that person might like, does pretty much the same thing.
Gift cards are great, but only if the person is like me and cares not for sentimental gifts. (This is a cry for help; please, somebody, show me love and buy me a book.)
2. You can use it to send a message
I don’t mean a what-do-you-interpret-from-this-story type of message. I mean the your-breath-is-the-opposite-of-great-so-here-is-a-book-about-halitosis type of message.
WARNING: This is a bad example; if you do this for someone with bad breath, I claim absolutely zero responsibility.
3. Or, you can use it to write a message
Name something better than a hand-written note on the title page of a book. I dare you. I get a bit teary-eyed just thinking about the cuteness of it.
4. There is a book for everyone
If you know someone who happens to enjoy anthropology and canning food, boy have I got the book for you. When I say subgenres upon subgenres, I mean it.
5. If the person hates reading, they will most likely hate the book
No, really, this is a good thing. You’ll know before they open the wrapping paper that they’ll be disappointed. This way, you won’t have to spend time worrying about something you already know is coming. You can expect and prepare for it. It’s flawless!
6. If this person is an avid reader, they’ll be happy to receive anything with pages
We “book people” are simple. We don’t care if it’s the current best-selling book on the market, or the self-published autobiography of our second grade lunch lady. We’ll be giddy nonetheless.
7. Even if they don’t read it, they’ll keep it
Only absolute monsters throw books away. Therefore, the book will probably sit on a coffee table/shelf for years to come, collecting dust along the way. Years from now, the recipient will see that book and think of you.
As you can see, you just can’t go wrong with a book as a present, and the reasons I’ve given are undebatable. I have twenty years of life experience, seventeen of which I’ve spent giving unwarranted advice. My success rate is through the ROOF, so I couldn’t tell you a percentage even if I tried.
Also, I now realize that half of these benefit the giver more than the receiver. You’re welcome.
Happy shopping!
*Support local bookstores. I am a slave to capitalism, so it is too late for me, but I’d be a monster if I didn’t at least tell you to be a better person.
