The urge to create.

Anxiety. Restlessness. Frustration. Rush. Thrill.

I’m sitting on my chair, doing work that I really didn’t wanna do. Looking to the computer screen, but not seeing anything. I look at my cellphone’s watch: 2:39PM. Damn. My shift finishes at 5 PM. I really don’t have much to do anymore. They gave me a task, I immersed and finished it in 3 days something that was supposed to finish in 2 weeks. So, for 2 weeks I’m staring my computer screen.

I wanna watch anything on YouTube. They would judge me…
I decided to daydream, something like The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (one of my favorite movies, by the way). The perk of being an INFP: I just forget what is reality and fantasy. I imagine scenes of a book I read during my 1-hour-and-half trip to the company, what I would do if I had infinite money ( then I realize how boring life would be…); I see past and future, sometimes I cry for the past and fear the future. Oh! A message… ah, nevermind, just some random group, nothing interesting.

Anxiety. Restlessness. Frustration. Rush. Thrill.

These feelings stabs me in the back and suffocate me, accommodating in my throat. I wish I could draw: I try and get bored… I wish I would draw like [insert here an web artist’s name]. I wanna play an instrument, dance, just run, I don’t know. Please, someone, please, help me to get rid of these feelings!

For days, years, decade and these feelings never eased inside me.

Everything I want to do is to create something. It doesn’t matter if it’s “Mom I [heart] you” shirt with my face in the heart or a far-fetched masterpiece. I wanna be proud of it.

I wanna inspire someone and at the same time, feel satisfied about my work. I don’t know what to do. Maybe write it? Yes! Write it. But I’ve never wrote anything before. English is not my native language. What if people judge me? What if I offend someone? What if… no. I have to do it. I need to do it. I need to release all these feelings and urges.

I will create something, with my bare hands, be able to communicate somehow.

Then I realized whenever I have an exciting topic to expose to my friends, I feel like I bore them. They just don’t wanna know for example: Why Lego Movie is one of my favorite movies; or, How funny/ frightening/ exciting was [Insert here an experience]. Not that they are bad friends. It’s just I go deep.

The one who “suffered” more about my boring stuff was my brother. Since I was kid, I would run excited talking about this awesome thing that happened and he would just nod his head pretending he was listening.

I don’t wanna be super famous and awesome. I’m not. I just wanna share and maybe interact with someone who feels the same. I’m tired of nods.

That’s was a brief introduction-like. I’m embracing critics. That’s literally the first time I write for the sake of writing.