Published in Some News·Jul 14, 2022Hell Opens New Wing For Souls Who Fed Pigeons And SquirrelsHELL — With the opening of Hell’s latest wing, Satan is realizing a long-held dream. People who feed pigeons, ducks, raccoons, and other urban animals will now have their very own and special place in Hell. While the “ignorance is bliss” defense works on some things — like slipping on…Satire1 min readSatire1 min read
Published in Some News·Jun 13, 2022Urban Chickens Form Gangs To SurviveLONG BEACH, CA — In a news story worthy of George Orwell, a violent trend is unfolding among homeowners who’ve decided to keep chickens. From sabotaging the feed of neighboring coops to coaxing foxes and raccoons into rival chickens’ zones, urban chicken gang violence has been steadily escalating. “One day…Comedy2 min readComedy2 min read
Published in Some News·Jun 10, 2022Fox News Wins Award For Non-Coverage Of January 6th HearingsNEW YORK— As the House Committee on the January 6th Capitol Insurrection shares its findings with the American people, an unlikely dark horse has stormed another sacred space. Fox News, in front of a packed Radio City Music Hall, has taken the coveted Best Satire/Comedy Website award at the inaugural…Satire2 min readSatire2 min read
Published in Some News·Jun 7, 2022Weekly Writers Forced To Write DailySANTA CRUZ, CA — Writers at Santa Cruz’s free weekly newspaper Cruising Weekly have successfully formed a union to counter what they call a “toxic and unhealthy work environment.” As COVID-related lockdowns and mandates swept the nation in 2020, the publisher of CW had to pivot to keep her readership…Satire2 min readSatire2 min read
Published in Some News·May 26, 2022Catholic Parish Provides Impossible Communion™ For Vegan FaithfulBOLINAS, CA—In an effort to be more humane and cater to a congregation that is mostly vegan, the Christ The Surfer Catholic Church (formerly the Christ The Sufferer) has announced they will no longer be serving the actual body and blood of Christ. Those taking Holy Communion at their Holy…Comedy1 min readComedy1 min read
Published in Some News·May 23, 2022Oklahoma Passes Bill Banning Crossing State LineOKLAHOMA CITY — Oklahoma Governor Kevin Stitt is expected to sign into law HB 4327, an abortion ban that starts at the moment of fertilization. To date, this is the nation’s strictest abortion ban. Oklahoma lawmakers, seemingly trying to one-up themselves, have snuck language into the bill to extend the…Abortion1 min readAbortion1 min read
Published in Some News·May 18, 2022Future Moon Missions Give NASA Astronauts Greatest Gift: Getting Off The GD EarthCAPE CANAVERAL, FL — The Moon might be lifeless, desolate, and peppered with trash left behind by former lunar missions, but to some, most importantly, it’s not Earth. “Before I joined NASA’s Artemis lunar program, I was planning on moving to Iceland to get away from the mass shootings and…Space1 min readSpace1 min read
Published in Some News·May 12, 2022Report: Man Who Buys Oversized Truck Also Has Oversized PenisTULSA, OK — A local car dealership recently made the unprecedented sale of an obscenely large pickup truck to man a with a massive penis. While the large truck market is historically reserved for cis-gendered white incel males with mommy issues and micro-dicks, the man — who was accompanied by…Incel1 min readIncel1 min read
