Why I push myself in my creative work

“You need to be able to immerse yourself in music and not panic if people notice it and start watching,” my dance teacher said.

I started panicking before she was done with that sentence.

We were doing freestyle exercises, trying to let loose and share energy. For a minute or two, it worked and it looked beautiful and felt in sync. But, as soon as I snapped out of the collective illusion and remembered that someone is watching, I fell out of sync with myself. I was afraid to just enjoy it.

Trying to defeat this insecurity of mine is exactly why I push myself in my creative work, whether it’s writing or dancing or whatever personally inspires me. I want to be better. I want to be noticed (a difficult thing to admit). I want to make magic and share it.

I love journaling and dancing with myself in an empty room, but I feel sparks fly when I let go in a club or hit the “publish” button here. I don’t think art should be contained in four walls. I don’t think you do it for yourself, you do it because you have to, because it has to get out of you. The energy, the magic is palpable only when you’re vulnerable enough to share it with the world. I enjoy that process so much… when I dare to lean into it.

I let the anxiety and embarrassment flush my cheeks and make my heart pound. I stop chasing perfection and just go at it. I let people see it, for a second or two or ten. Moving forward to the day I’ll share my all.

What motivates you to create? Are you shy or do you rush to share it with the world? I’d love to hear your experiences in the comments!

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