It’s understandable. I have men come in and out of my life. They tend to always leave with smiles, it’s a compliment to what we shared as lovers and friends. I have made peace with the difficulties of my lifestyle. Who I am, is really hard to date.
I recognize that. That’s why I usually just enjoy the moments I have with guys, because I’m deserving of love too. And I feel like these men are meeting me on a transition stage in finding out who they are. If my sexual experience can bring joy, education and therapy for adults then I am very proud I can be that person.
For any relationship with me that would be more ‘on the regular’ the man I’m with would have to be supporting my business, and happy to do so!
He could be behind the scenes on social media, he could be one part of a power duo on film, or he could be the supporting and nurturing wife who I bounce ideas about future events (yes, I love heterosexual roleplay🔥)
I also see the benefits of having a boy who would travel with me to events and filming locations. He could be my videographer, clean and tidy up the dungeon. A leather butler sounds amazing, what a beautiful and practical addition that would be in my life!
I could also see the benefits of instead of a leather butler, a leather bodyguard. Someone who could make sure men don’t take it too far with me on film or at events. Hell, he could be my watchdog for my entire family in social settings.
Thankfully, I’ve defined for myself the power roles in which work well for me. I’ve learned how to surrender when I bottom. This allows me to be myself out of the bedroom, naturally I am assertive and tenacious. But it allows me to show an alpha (if I am not alpha) that He is the man and I surrender to Him.
It’s been very difficult, for me to really dial back my ‘bossy bottom’ which plagues most of my 20s. I find it’s my job, when I bottom, to enforce the power dynamic through body and verbal language. Make the alpha top the man. No question. The least sexy thing I could do is have my alpha question his authority or masculinity. I am here to encourage his. And I expect the same from my boys.
I’m trying to find ways to show others I want to be included in their lives, but my life has always been about me. I’m self funding and self hustling my own celebrity. It’s an everyday job. It’s what makes me feel happy and fulfilled as a man. But there is a side to it that would feel selfish if my partner wasn’t sharing my same dreams and ambition.
I appreciate all my poly lovers, that doesn’t mean that we are ‘the one’ for each other. And I have my guards set up so I don’t get heartbroken over a guy who’s trying my lifestyle out, when ultimately it’s not in his best interest. How I choose to live: let’s just have fun in the moment. And when it is time for you to move on to your ‘one’ I will support you.