Some Friendships Aren’t Forever

Four year ago I met someone who changed my life.

They pushed me out of my comfort zone and forced me to face my fears. They helped me open up to people and trust people more than anything. They taught me to be comfortable with my body and love the person I was. They helped me re-invent myself so I could love the person I was.

But…

They also hurt me more than anyone else. Whenever I would tell them who I liked the next day the whole school would know. They forced me to go out with people when I wasn’t ready to. They took the control they had over me and took advantage of it. They would make me wear things I wasn’t comfortable wearing. They’d use my secrets against me. They held me prisoner in my own life.

Soon enough I hated the person I was. I was lying to them just to keep my secrets hidden. I would give people attitude just because they wanted to know what was going on in my life. I began to not trust anyone, and up until now I thought my trust issues were from my ex boyfriend, but I now know they were because of my ex bestfriend. Because of her I started lying and sneaking around. I lied to the ones I loved and the ones I generally cared about. I would lead people on, hoping to feel something.

However…

I eventually broke away from her grasp. I stood up for myself and told her enough was enough. I was done with her stupid games and all the lies she told me. I realized that I deserved better than that. I deserve someone who truly loves me and doesn’t want to be my friend because of who I am friends with or because I’m “pretty” or “fun to talk to”. I know I deserve a friend who loves me for my personality. I deserve a friend who will be there for me when I have a 2pm panic attack or a 1am nightmare. I deserve a friend who wants to make memories with me, that we can eventually look back on and laugh.

Once I broke free from her grasp, she started calling me almost every name in the book and if it wasn’t to my face it was to other people behind my back. At first, it didn’t bother me because “haters are gonna hate” right? But soon enough the insults became directed at my insecurities and the whole school knew my biggest fears.

I took her back as a friend because I wanted the tormenting to stop. I didn’t want to be afraid of going to school anymore. I wanted to live in peace. I now know that, that was the worst mistake of my life because the tormenting didn’t stop and being her friend became way too hard. I took my life in my own hands and walked away.

I walked away from a toxic friendship and the bullying because I know I deserve better than to be picked on everyday of my life.

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