Since middle school, I’ve always been amused by the plethora of songs out there about falling in love, falling out of love, breakups, and broken hearts. Add in the overwhelming amount of romance movies and novels with plot lines that emphasize finding the one, oftentimes captured with a chase across an airport and a long kiss in the rain. Even the majority of non-romance films and novels almost always feature a romantic subplot of some sort. Think about the top 5 movies you know—chances are, 4 of them feature some kind of love interest.

The concept of love intertwined with fate isn’t exactly a modern thing. Greek mythology had weaved great stories about love at first sight (looking at you, Cupid and Psyche). The notable Romeo and Juliet, written around 1591, has made generations of audiences pity the star-crossed lovers and idealize the couple as a symbol of true love. Finally, if one were to compile all the poems about destined love since the invention of writing, we’d run out of room—and ink, probably.

But lately, modern society seems to believe strongly in the concept of soul mates and destiny. “There’s a Mr. Prince Charming out there for every girl,” goes the Disney mantra. “You just have to wait for him to come into your life.” Popular movies like The Notebook and Slumdog Millionaire have ingrained the idea that there’s only one person out there for each of us. Worse yet is the repeated notion of ‘love at first sight,’ where two strangers who happen to sit across each other in a subway know right away they’re meant to be. Or even after a couple of dates, when the infatuation rises to full swing.

Needless to say, this idea of romance is unrealistic and detrimental in the long run. We go into dating with the expectation of finding our soul mate, expecting that one perfect relationship to materialize as soon as we meet the one, not understanding that relationships are built and not handed over on a silver platter. Friendships between people are built by marching through the rough patches in life together. No one is a perfect fit for a partner; every single relationship takes work, time, and plenty of effort by both parties. Oftentimes, both parties have to change and compromise in order to cultivate the relationship.

The believers in soul mates, then, often set themselves up for disappointment, giving up when the relationship doesn’t go according to plan. They continuously look for a more compatible partner rather than compromise and work together to resolve difficulties in the relationship.

To put it into a chain of events: Emotional euphoria based on first impressions and initial compatibility → thinking the partner is a soul mate → early marriage → defeated mindset when things don’t go as planned. People divorce and remarry as quickly as rabbits reproduce. (Okay, that’s not the best analogy.)

Oh, he just wasn’t Mr. Right. My real match will like me for all my flaws, and I will never have to change any of my behavior whatsoever.

And for those who are convinced a soul mate has moved on or rejected you, note that there are more than 7.046 billion people on this planet. You are bound to meet more than one person with whom you’re compatible in the long-run. No, scratch that—more than 42 people, probably. Maybe even 43.

Don’t go into a relationship expecting perfection based on first impressions. That might have worked in Disney films, but you’re going to be disappointed. Lastly, don’t ever watch Crazy, Stupid, Love, which remains one of the worst, inane movies I’ve seen—although I admit the acting was pretty good. Basically, the main plot is about a rejected husband who fights for his wife’s love back because he’s convinced they’re soul mates, despite her cheating on him and divorcing him. In the end, the husband happily reunites with the wife under a sunny sky and watches as their 13-year-old son vows to never give up on his 17-year-old babysitter.

Yep.