Galen Mitchell
Aug 27, 2017 · 1 min read

I empathize with your feelings of thinking “it must be worse” for other trans folks. I was successful and happy in many ways before transition. I was not suicidal. I used those facts to justify continually torturing myself.

However, I eventually realized that comparing pain and strength of feeling is a bad measure for whether you ought to transition. The real calculus, if there can be said to be one, is regarding whether you would be happier/more fulfilled if you transitioned. You need not be at the end of your rope in order to be at a tipping point.

One of the first things I said to my therapist was that I felt like I probably could have gone on living the way I was until I died a depressed old “man.” The issue was that I *knew* that would be the outcome. I knew I would never be truly happy unless I gave transition a “try.” Had I not done something, I would have regretted it to the day I died — much like I regretted not doing something at 17 when I came out the first time.

Now, looking back on it, I think I was deluding myself thinking I could have managed to present as a guy until I died — I definitely would have popped up again in another couple years. Because it wasn’t about pain, it was about self-actualization.

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    Galen Mitchell

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    Musician, Writer, Post-Butch Punk Femme. She/her. More at galen-mitchell.com.