I relate to a lot of this. I contextualized my feelings as “wanting to be a girl,” so I at least knew that much. However, I had no way of understanding what “being a girl” would actually feel like, so “knowing” I was a girl was something that never even occurred to me as possible. It’s still a dubious concept to me, and I wish we’d move past it, but alas.
If you’re interested, my “I Was a Bearded Lady — I Just Didn’t Know It Yet” post hits on the wanting/knowing dichotomy I struggled with.
Thanks for sharing your experience.