Our Thanksgiving dinner long over, my sexy sling-back heeled shoes lie angled on their sides on the mat beside the front door. Scarlet skirt and cream silk exchanged for what I call my slops, the house folds in on itself — silent but for the clatter chink of platters and cutlery as I stack them in the dishwasher.

I thought back to the woman I glimpsed chatting, laughing with her guests, the woman whose eyes brightened with the telling and the listening of lively tales around her table, then slowly faded with the tail lights of her friends’ car leaving for their drive home.

Yes, I admitted a little wistfully, that was me I described, the woman I used to be, the woman who used to sing and vibrate the walls with happiness before the three damnable Par-kin-son’s rocks embedded themselves with us in our home.

How to keep her? Dispense with the ugly person I’ve become. At least Thanksgiving has shown me I am still inside there somewhere, and was able to come back.

What could I change in our lives to keep her from disappearing?

I pause, pour off the soup stock from the tangle of boiled turkey bones. Shudder. See myself picked clean of flesh. Bare. Dry. Washed up.

Don’t want that person around. Poor David.

My tongue probes my back tooth. Searches the source of the dull pain.

Excitement surges. A week to go before my Mexican dental trip. The first on my own away from my David for longer than a night since I can remember.

Already I feel the sea ripple up and over my back. Shiver as I rise replenished. My lips salt lick. Miss him beside me watching the sun sprinkle gold water. Run to his arms for a kiss on my return. As we were, young again for ever and ever.

Well I can dream can’t I?

  • *****************************
  • magic word
  • the magician holds a card before me
  • are these the word you wrote he asks
  • this one
  • this
  • I shake my head
  • spreads a fan of five and twenty images
  • choose any one you like he leers pushes mine into the pack
  • but the cards are glued
  • the magician laughs at my desperate struggle
  • that night as I prepare for bed
  • I find my words scrawled on a card
  • between the cotton folds of my nightie
  • live now it commands


  • Please applaud me if you like my piece. I look forward to your comments.
  • Next week’s blog: Hmm? Not sure yet.
  • Previous blogs:
  • 1.Wearing a Hat from Hell * 2.Back Story before the Tidal Wave. * 3.There’s a Mouse in the Room. * 4.Shape-shifting — Husband to Patient:Wife to Caregiver. * 5.Think your Home is your Castle? Think again. * 6.Vision Quest beyond the Box. * 7. Cats in the Belfry. * 8.“En Guard Messieurs”…Dare me: cross this Line. * 9.Like it or No — Prepare to Play God. * 10.’Tis the Season to be Jolly — not for me it isn’t. * 11.Hello. Hello? Anyone Home? * 12.The Blue Hole — 90 miles ahead. * 13.Disabled — Daft — Demented? * 14.Up. Up and Away…* 15.Humble Pie. * 16.What do I have to Complain About. * 17. Come Back Tooth Fairy. * 18. Promises Promises. * 19. Fly Fly Away. * 20. Refresh. Reboot. * 21. Can this be Happening * 22. Hate when David… * 23. What if…? * 24. Hanuman and I have a Birthday.* 25. Happy and Glorious.* 26. High Time. * 27. * Change?…As good as a Rest. * 28. It’s a Long Way… * 29. Missing Something? * 30. Are we there yet? 31.* To voice or not to voice — I’m talking feelings here. 32.* Metamorphisis…grub to?*33. Roller Coaster. * 34. Testing. Testing. * 35. A Bird’s Eye View.* 36. Crossroads. *37. Madam your slip is showing.* 38. If only caregiving was… as easy. * 39. Where everything is possible. *40. Out to Pasture.* 41. Congratulations. You’re a winner. * 42. …and counting. * 43. Re-entry Burn. * 44. Transition…the gentle slide. * 45. to truly exist. * 46…and the world laughs with you…* 47. Heaven is when you think it is.* 48. Silence is Golden.* 49. Nice girl turns not so nice. 50. The aftermath. * 51. Think loud and Big. * 52. You call this living? * 53.A new beginning. * 54. Cloud Cuckoo land.* 55. Itchy Feet. 56. Thanksgiving—a confession.
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