It makes me sad that your epilepsy causes you to doubt God’s existence. I have health issues, too (although not as serious as yours), but I know God wasn’t the one who gave them to me. I’ll say it even though you don’t want to hear it: God is the one who placed you on this planet, and He loves you. You could come to know Him if you read His word. Please don’t waste your life, Orochi. When you’re honest with yourself, you HAVE to know that existence is not an accident. What a waste it would be if you were to die young from your illness without having come to know the One who made you and would graft you into His family if you’d just die to yourself and live to Him.