Why Do I Understand Everything but Can’t Change Anything?
Understanding the Mental Blocks Holding You Back.
I remember how easy it was to make plans, dream big, and achieve goals when I was 17 or 25 years old. But after turning 30, many of us become a bit battered by life, more grounded, practical, rational, and realistic. The period from 30 to 40 flies by in a blur — routine, career, stability. Then, after 40, there’s a persistent thought that everything we’ve postponed can no longer be delayed. It’s like a shelf full of unread books; as the years pass, we sigh sadly at the sight of them, remembering our plans, desires, dreams, and interests. Everyone probably has their own list.
My path to personal transformation has been far from easy. Unfortunately, the starting point for realizing that I needed to make changes was a major crisis in my family relationships. I spent months discussing this topic with my psychoanalyst. I studied how to plan correctly, tried to implement new approaches, and sought new ideas for myself. But as I now understand, I was simply engaging in many actions that seemed rational but weren’t. Much of what I did was an attempt to cope with anxiety and fear of the future. The more pressure I put on myself, the closer I came to burnout without making any real progress towards my goals. My first clear realization was that it’s unlikely to come up with good, constructive ideas when you’re stressed. I started my own research, and here’s what I discovered. I hope my experience will be valuable to you.
Barriers to Transformation: What’s Stopping You from Changing Your Life
1. Habits
I put habits first to emphasize their powerful force. I believe that by starting with an analysis of our habits, we can begin making desired changes right now, with what we have. Habits are almost unconscious, almost automatic actions, and it is actions that lead us to real results. Of course, there are also mental habits, but here I am talking specifically about our actions. Starting with a blank sheet of paper and a pen, we can ask ourselves: does this habit bring me closer to my goals or take me further away? What will it cost me to continue this habit, and what result can I get in a month or two if I replace it with a new, more positive one? I think this technique can be done independently without a psychologist’s help, making it accessible to everyone. However, it’s important to remember that the essence of a habit is its automatic nature. In the beginning, we will need some willpower and awareness.
2. Lack of Motivation
As we all know, in criminal investigations, motivation is one of the key arguments for prosecution. This means that even at an official level, motivation is recognized as the force that drives a person to take certain actions. You also know that in business and other organizations, a system of motivation is widely and successfully used. Usually, it’s a set of positive and negative stimuli that encourage a person to be effective in their role. If we want to manage our own lives better, we need to hire our inner, imaginary HR director who will help us explore and find our own strong motivation. I also believe that understanding personal motivation not only energizes our plans but also helps us overcome obstacles along the way.
3. Limiting Beliefs
These are hidden or explicit beliefs about ourselves that immediately give a negative answer to the idea of advancement. We end up blocking our development at the mental level without even taking any real action, thus killing our dreams. Limiting beliefs are closely linked to negative self-esteem or judgments from others that we have accepted as truth. This entire political party of ideas can be summed up with the slogan “I’m not good enough for This.” This includes a low assessment of our abilities and the frequent conclusion that we do not deserve to have This. The mental trap of limiting beliefs deprives us of any chance because we don’t even try. Dreaming of winning the lottery, we never buy a lottery ticket. “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t — you’re right,” said Henry Ford. A brilliant quote reminding us that there is no inherent truth. Everything depends on your decisions and actions.
4. Fear of Change
The fear of change is based on a biological fear of the unknown. It’s more comfortable for us to stay in familiar conditions than to dive into the unknown and uncertainty. In general, enduring uncertainty is very difficult for humans. The phase of change can seem like a zone of turbulence, where we partially lose our footing and control. Typically, such fears concern truly significant life decisions, such as changing jobs, career paths, or making substantial changes in personal life. In such moments, we balance between evaluating opportunities and assessing risks. Here’s another approach we can borrow from corporations — risk management. It sounds complicated, but it’s essentially a system for evaluating our actions and their consequences. Potential consequences are assessed from the perspective of three possible scenarios: neutral, negative, and positive. It’s clear that all our worries stem from the possibility of the negative scenario. And here’s the question: what will I do if it actually happens? Do I have Plans B, C, and D, or is this train running on a single track? By considering alternatives, we build greater resilience, reduce anxiety, and eliminate the paralyzing fear of taking real action.
5. Perfectionism
It’s obvious that we feel much more confident driving a car than when awkwardly trying to stand on a windsurfing board for the first time. We compare ourselves to others who have already achieved success in a particular area and think, “Oh my God, I’ll never be able to do that. Why start this embarrassment?” Perfectionism makes us believe that everything must turn out perfectly and most successfully on the first try. That from the very beginning, we must dazzle everyone with our brilliance, creativity, or passionate tango. However, realism immediately tells us that this won’t happen, and we simply refuse to act. I think a little humor towards ourselves and lowering the bar of importance will help in this regard. Do what you can and improve your skills. The key is to just start doing it.
6. Hidden Benefits of Maintaining the Status Quo
Hidden or secondary benefits are well illustrated by my case. When a person outwardly wants something, but in practice, they achieve nothing, or after reaching initial results, they slide back. Some unconscious part of the psyche, containing something very important and valuable for us, considers new goals a threat to itself. As a result, even making efforts, we can’t achieve anything, and the situation remains unchanged. I know my hidden benefits very well — I’ve always been afraid of losing my environment or relationships if I start to change. But just because these are hidden fears doesn’t mean they don’t occur in reality, by the way. The main question is: who do we choose, others or ourselves?
7. Ignoring Your Resources
Very often, we try to start something new, inspired by positive motivation and feeling omnipotent. However, it wouldn’t hurt to think about what resources we need to implement our plans. I believe this includes both material and psychological aspects. It can, of course, be money and time, but it can also be a certain state of inspiration or support from friends or loved ones. It can be knowledge or other people — professionals who can help you.
Following my own advice, I won’t claim to have a complete and exhaustive list. My sincere motive was to share my thoughts, knowledge, and reflections. And please, don’t judge my writing style too harshly, as English is not my native language. I hope for your support of my blog and your continued interest.
With love,
Victoria
