I’m considering legal action, but I’m not sure I have the energy to go through with everything that entails — and beyond that, it’s going to cost a lot of money I don’t exactly have.
Dear Businesslady: How Do I Respect My Coworker’s Gender (and My Own)?
Businesslady {Courtney C.W. Guerra}

I would skip this. It’s so much time and money and would take up so much head space forever.

I can’t relate to the struggle of asking people to respect your new gender but I can 100% relate to gender based bullshit in the work place. (Some gems that have been hurled my way are “yeah but you aren’t like a real girl.” “you were probably born a man” “you’re married to a man? are you sure?” and worse by my direct boss, directors and VPs) All of that because I’m good at math (really), smart, and don’t wear makeup.

I too tried the HR route and got no where. Things didn’t change until I got a new job. And my life was suddenly a million times better.

A few weeks ago I had lunch with a guy who had been a director there and was working at a new company. He was like “yeah so I moved in with my boyfriend” and I was like “dude I’m so happy for you” because he had been 100% in the closet at our former company. And then he told me about how working in this new place he wasn’t afraid to be out because the culture was so different and no one even cared. At our former work place there were two people who were being paid out long term for sexuality based discrimination.

You spend a lot of waking hours at work, and it’s shitty to spend a lot of your day with people who think who you are is wrong or weird.

As for looking for a new job — reach out to your community. I’m going to assume you know other gender non conforming people, or queer people, or whatever. Where do they work? Do they not hate it? It’s as good of a place as any to start.

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