Food Orders

This weekend I went to Rouge Valley Mall. I’m at the Starbucks about to order a drink. This middle eastern guy walks in with a bunch of his friends with a cigarette slightly burning between his fingers. Not a care in the world.

He walks up to the barista and tries to order two frappuccinos, which is a very hard word to say if you’re not from here. He tries to order it but he doesn’t know how to say it so he just improvised. He starts pointing and yelling at all the baristas: “Hey! Hey! Give me two uh crrrrrr crrrrr frrrrr (making a motion of putting whipped cream on top). Medium”. The confused and scared baristas are all looking at the menu trying to figure out what he is talking about. The guy yells “Hey! Hey!” as he jumps up and down and points to someone walking out with a frappuccino. I’m trying my best to not burst out in laughter.

They leave and I follow behind them. They walk to Subway, which is right next to the Starbucks in the food court. And in my mind I’m going “this is going to be gold!” Starbucks was easy. He just pointed to what he wanted and made noises, but at Subway he’s going to have to do the entire speech for everything that he wants in his sandwich.

The guy walks up with his frappuccino in hand. The worker goes “Hi. What kind of sandwich do you want?” and the guy goes “Yeah put sandwich”. He doesn’t even care he’s thinking, “Yeah I trust you. Make something. I’m hungry.” The worker goes “Yeah okay, well what kind of meat do you want?” “Yeah put meat.” The worker is getting mad and goes “Sir I know you want meat, but what do you want? Turkey, meatballs..?” The guy starts yelling “Yeah! Turkey! Meatball! Put sandwich!” looking back as his friends like something was wrong with the worker. The worker just starts piling things on there. It was like 5 inches thick and he had to carry it like it was a baby. They hate each other now. There is no communication. The worker takes a deep breath, “Okay what vegetables do you want?” The guy goes “Okay” in an angry, sassy way. He reaches his arm over the glass right by the food, “Put this” as he stares into the worker’s eyes intently. The worker starts putting on pickles. “Okay no more this”, the guys said. He takes a step to the right and puts his fingers IN THE OLIVES, “Put this”. The worker put like three olives on. The guy gets mad and yells, “Hey! Put more this! Okay no more this. Okay put mayonnaise”.

The sandwich was huge! The worker takes off his gloves, as the guy gets ready to pay. “Okay that’s going to be $14.95.” The guy goes “What? 14 what?” looking all confused. “Yes. $14.95 for your sandwich sir. There are other people waiting.” The guy steps back and points at the menu, “No. five dollar foot. Five dollar foot.” The worker is angry and goes “No sir it’s a five dollar foot long for these sandwiches” as he points at the menu. “You got a turkey, chicken breast, tuna melt, meatball. It’s $14.95 please!” The guy goes “Okay. Okay then take meatball off. I don’t want meatball” as if it were somehow going to drop the price.

This was one of the funniest things I’ve ever experienced!