Roommates…Freaking roommates.

They never pay for anything. I pay all the bills.

They’re slobs. They don’t clean up after themselves. No, don’t worry, I’ll get the broom. You just keep calm and…continue to do nothing.

I cook, I do laundry, I take out the trash.

Roommates don’t vacuum, mop the floor, or dust. Don’t even lift a finger to help. It’s ok, I’ll dust. I mean, I wasn’t up, but now I am.

I’m always the one driving around, running errands. Roommates don’t even offer gas money.

I had to put up a shelf, they refused to help me install it. Now it slants slightly to the right. Thanks for eyeballing it.

One morning, I forgot to set my alarm. Not only did my roommates not wake me up, they slept in, too.

They don’t tape my favorite shows.
They don’t take their shoes off when they get home.
They don’t snake the toilet when they clog it.

You know what’s even more frustrating?

I don’t even have roommates.

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