Why is Pineapple Pizza Phobia Trendy?
And why exactly is that? The reasons elude me, as I go on another rant to protest this absurdity.
As you can already tell, I’m pro-pineapple-on-pizza(pro-POP), and I’ll give you two reasons, one short and the other relatively lengthy, to reassure you that it’s not just okay to be pro-POP, it’s fucking awesome!
Are you ready? Cool:
- IF YOU HATE PINEAPPLE PIZZA, YOU’RE LITERALLY AGREEING WITH BUZZFEED
Seriously! Here’s the proof:
Do you know who would be okay with being congruent with what BuzzFeed believes in? Communists!
You’re not one, are you? Good, now go and order yourself some Ham and Pineapple, Hawaiian Special from your favourite cheap-ass pizza joint, and experience the alchemy of flavours that you deprived yourself for looking cool among the nu-hipsters, and save yourself from poor opinions and bad writing.
Still not convinced? Then there’s the long-winded answer for you
- PINEAPPLE ON A PIZZA CAN NEVER GO WRONG, FOR ALL THE RIGHT REASONS
Okay, let’s get serious for a minute, and talk directly about the so-called fruity oddity in the dish — the pineapple.
For a fruit that has sneaked it’s way into everything, from cocktails to curries, and from marinades to salads, it only seems unfair, and largely stupid that it gets the hate that it does.
And what is it that is so alien to you about having a slice of pineapple with ham, cheese and bread? Maybe, with some tomato sauce to round it all up? We all love a good ham-n-cheese pizza, but I’ve always found it to be being on the verge of being a little too salty, and it gets worse with every bite, as more and more salt settles and sticks to your palate. Pineapple, somehow, manages to balance it all out, while giving it a slight sweet and floral character. It’s almost like a wine chaser for your beer pairing for your pizza.
Apart from that, we all are almost too familiar with the concept of having sweet and savoury, and budget doesn’t seem like much of a constraint there. We love our American Chopsueys as much as we do Buffalo Wings, or Honey Glazed Ham, or Liver Pate with Compote — all of them reside between the same parentheses of what would define FUCKING AWESOME FLAVOURS.
Heck, in some dying dive-bars we see the presence of the archaic Cherry-Cheese-Pineapple, served on ice, which is exactly what the name reads, and it’s just infallible. I’m sure the Hawaiian Pizza Pie rests shoulder-to-shoulder with those dishes in gastronomic pantheons.
Sweet, sour and tart always go well with salty and savoury. It’s the exact same concept for as to why chips work almost naturally with ketchup. Even the Indian palate isn’t distant from understanding this concept with the presence of raisins and sultanas in our Pulaos and Biryanis.
It’s even evident to the blind how all these dishes have become classics in their own ways, and we were all cool with the Good Ol' Hawaiian all this while. Or, so I thought.
Only recently has the hatred for this discus of joy surfaced on social media and it becoming more and more apparent that a surprising number of the social media demographic (urban, young professionals) detest perfection.
I wanted to understand this more. I turned to this demographic’s favourite source for getting their questions answered — Quora…
…and I came across some interesting shit:
So, these two gents, whose names suggest that they might be of Italian origin, make points poorer than the Man With The Golden Voice, before he got famous. I have little patience for stupidity, and the rest of the comments weren’t helping me either.
I suppose, I can’t come to a concrete conclusion to tell why more than half of the “cool people” on social media abhor the thought of the pizza going tropical. It’s particularly worse when when I see such sentiments coming from fellow Mumbaikars, who are not new to bastardised food cultures.
But now we have a problem with a slice of food culture bastardisation that we chose to import? We, who are okay putting everything from Kheema to Kurkure on a fucking pizza, have a problem with this gift from the west not being “authentic” enough?
Mayyyynn…get the fuck outta here!
“Eww! I can’t understand the thought of having fruit, specially pineapple on a pizza!”, motherfucker, so what if there’s some fruit on your pizza?
Do you even know that Hawaiian Pizza’s existence in the city is probably older than you?
MAN THE FUCK UP and eat some fruit with your cured-meats! It’s nothing more than a mental block towards accepting something out of your comfort zone. You know what that ebbs? Evolution, motherfucker! Eat that slice for the sake of humanity.
As far as I can tell, you haters are fucking phonies and don’t understand good things even if they’re right under your nose. This posh vilification of such profound deliciousness reeks of modern-day hipsterdom translating to misplaced snobbery.
At this point, I also feel that the internet doesn’t have an opinion of it’s own.
“Ooo…someone cool just said something about something! Let me vehemently agree with them so that I feel included in the same bunch of people that the cool person belongs to!”
Do you not eat? Do your taste-buds not function? Do you not have a sense of identity? Well, son, it’s never too late to redeem yourself. Get over that mental barrier like a Bangladeshi immigrant at the border, have a slice of Hawaiian, and free your mind to a larger spectrum of tasty possibilities. Unless, of course, you’re more concerned about being seen as cool and hip.
If a hipster likes a dish in the forest, does he wait for the trees to validate his opinion? We’ll never know. All I wish is for his Hawaiian-Pizza-hating ass, and his beard, to not make its way back to civilization.
