Should I be a stone to every brick?
Tit for tat is not always the solution, you should prioritize peace over power…
We have a popular saying in India. It says, when someone throws a brick at you, you answer back with a stone. This is to say that you should never sit quiet back when someone attacks you, you should attack even stronger.
To me it never sounded like a sage advice. What if you come back stronger & the other person follows the same principle & he throws a bigger stone at you. It’s a vicious cycle.
You can never escape the bricks of life
My example given above was a symbolic example. Chance are almost none that someone is going to throw an actual brick at you. My example was directed towards the life as we live. The perfect world doesn’t exist & no matter how right you are, someone will attack you.
I used to believe that if I mind my own business, I will be happy & peaceful. I won’t say I was wrong but I have seen a number of exceptions as well. Life or people who we face in everyday life find one way or another to become a pin to our peaceful balloon.
You should not expect the world to be at peace just because you don’t do any harm to anyone. People or things will find one way or another to challenge your peace of mind & I would say that is the real test. The first instinct of any person is to retaliate & show that he’s got power too. But isn’t retaliating is again spoiling your peace of mind further? If you start reacting to each & every person then you can certainly be assured that you won’t be at peace at all.
“You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks.”
― Winston S. Churchill
There is a fundamental which should be firmly clear to you that there is a basic difference between reacting & responding. As much as we’d like to tell that we know the difference, mostly we don’t. When you know you are right & you can do nothing to change other’s behavior, you should first protect yourself. There is nothing more important that being at peace,not even being right at petty things.
But how can we respond & not react when people press the hot buttons. I can share something from my own experience:
1. You are not responsible:
Understand that no matter how true it seems, you are never the reason for other person’s unreasonable anger or unnecessary irritation & frustrations. Each person is responsible for his own moods & feelings. Don’t hold yourself victim to other’s problems.
2. Take a step back & smile:
Understand that when someone’s angry or frustrated, he wants to make others angry & frustrated. This is a fundamental psychological issue, he’s trying to attain an equilibrium of energy & feelings in the atmosphere by bringing you down. You don’t need to get involved, take a step back & see that he’s just trying to vent out. You don’t need to take it personally, just take a step back & smile.
3. Help genuinely:
Understand that it’s very human to get caught up in emotional roller coaster & none of us are perfect. As Buddha said, an angry man is hurting himself the most. Be kind when you face such a person, he needs your kindness the most at that time. Be genuinely available at that moment for the person & show genuine love for the person. If you can be there without being emotionally disturbed , peaceful& calm. The person would most certainly be affected by your presence & would soon realize his fallacy.