Why Diego Maradona is a massive piece of shit
In one of the great thrillers of the group stages of the 2018 World Cup, Lionel Messi and Marcos Rojo lifted a lacklustre Argentina side to a famous win to ensure passage into the knockouts and keep their World Cup hopes alive. In what is Messi’s last opportunity to win the ultimate prize in all of football, THIS is the image that stole the spotlight:
LOOK AT HIM! That’s not the face of the footballing legend. That’s a coked-up, maniacal, truly deranged man who has no idea where he is or what he’s doing or even any sense of the occasion (who had to be rushed to the hospital, btw. Looks like he snorted one too many lines). If this is what happens if you win the World Cup for Argentina, it’s no wonder Messi hasn’t won it yet. He prefers sanity to glory, clearly.
Maradona (let’s call him The Coke Fiend) won the World Cup in 1986.
Here’s a short list of what’s happened since then:
- Donald Trump went from pussy-grabbing real estate tycoon to pussy-grabbing reality TV star to pussy-grabbing President of the United States
- We experienced the horrors of 9/11…and Windows Vista & Mobile. Now, after years of trauma, we all agree that the Mac is better than Windows
- Michael Jackson went from the greatest performer of his time, to accused paedophile, to dead
- The Large Hadron Collider changed our perspective of the universe and our place in it
…and these are just the cliff notes. A lot of other shit went down over the last 32 years, while your ass was snorting enough coke to tranquilise a blue whale.
The point here, Diego, the world has changed, MOVE THE FUCK ON. Stop shitting on the greatest player of this generation by making his moment of glory all about you, you pathetic embarrassment of a human being. Go to rehab, get your shit together and ask yourself the important questions: Why did I feel the need to flip off people in a match that had NOTHING to do with me? Why did I do so much coke that I had to be carried to the hospital? Why do I choose to make a spectacle of myself despite not being relevant in almost a decade?
The answer, Diego, is that you’re probably an asshole. You believe that winning a trophy over 30 years ago, in a different time, in a different world, makes you some kind of a God that hovers above the rest of us. But it really doesn’t. It makes you a former national treasure who is now an international embarrassment, while your countrymen continue to dominate football regardless of your existence.
On the bright side, this could be used as a very effective anti-drug PSA.
I could go on, but I want to end this rant with a simple point. A lot of people consider Maradona to be their hero. To all those people, I want to say: it’s time to find a new one because the hero is long gone.
