It’s anything but closure…
It took 7 months for my Dads inquest to take place.
Imagine not having any answers for 7 months as to why one of the most important people in your life is now gone.
It’s caused a lot of emotional pain and anxiety.
Since it took place I’ve had friends and family say “Oh, I bet that’s some closure for you now?” and at first I didn’t know how to respond.
Initially it made me frustrated, who were they to think things were even remotely ‘closed’ for me. I soon came to realise that ‘closure’ is simply a word used around the etiquette of bereavement, a bit like someone saying “Sorry”. For me, “Sorry” was the wrong word from the wrong people even though I understood their sentiment.
A great friend referenced closure when I said the inquest had taken place. Instead of the frustration I somehow formed a coherent reply which was exactly how I was feeling.
Context I think. Closure will be a long way off or never. He was too young and I expected far more time with him. I feel like it was stolen from me.
I feel like I’ve been robbed. Robbed of time.
I didn’t have enough time with him as a child, and in my adulthood I thought I’d get all that time back.
One night 7 months ago changed all that.
When something important happened in my life, my Dad would be the first one I’d call. Over the past few weeks important things have happened and tell and instead of calling him all I can do is sit and stare at pictures and imagine what it would be like if he was still here.
I’ve been robbed of the one person I wanted to get to know more, I’ve been robbed of the one person I could get counsel from and I’ve been robbed of someone that I love.
And it hurts.
