The 3 Secret Martial Arts moves to better parenting
As a parent I find myself in awe and love with my children. Mostly I, with my wife, have things under control but then there are times where I question my ability to parent.
I have 3 children. Our eldest is 23 from my first marriage, then 8 year old and 9 month old. Life is blissful most of the time.
Then there’s the acting out the happens. The button pushing, switch flicking and the losing of my stack.
My default responses are the ones that I hated from my parents when I was a child. I was an “angel” I’m sure of it. Hahaha. I’m sure I didn’t just push buttons and flicked switches…..I slammed those buttons with a sledge hammer and then like a lightning bolt, I’d zap those switches so that they were totally fried.
Needless to say I was disciplined. Both my parents were the stereotypical overseas migrants, coming from the poverty of the home land to Australia, the land of riches and endless opportunity. My stereotype parents were the mean dad and the weak mum. That’s not a judgement just terminology I learnt from attending a couple of parenting programs called “Circle of Security”. Great value, you should look it up if you’re open to understanding the why’s of your own responses and interested in how to change the parenting traps. Anyway what I got for myself is that as a child, like all (most) other children, I learnt from role modelling. So my natural default parenting is the parenting modelled to me by my own parents.
Not good, I might add. Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful for my parents and love them too, it’s that all the things I hated needs to stop with me so that my kids have a better chance in life. That’s the usual intention of parents right? We want the best for our kids. At the very least we want them to have better than ourselves.
So what am I getting at?
The difference between repeating old patterns of behaviour and creating new ones is firstly REFLECTION.
The second in my experience is OBSERVATION.
The third, ACTION.
Reflect on an experience, observe my children and especially myself as I realised the patterns then naturally choose an appropriate ACTION.
How did I come to this realisation? A many number of ways but that’s not important right now. You don’t really need to know how I came to this, more importantly you probably more interested in what can you do to have better outcomes from your parenting right?
My practice is the first port of call when it comes to Reflection. In my practice I integrate and centralise the 3 parts of my being.
- Mind (mental)
- Body (physical)
- Spirit (emotional)
When I’ve integrated all 3 parts, I’m what’s called PRESENT. Now I can start the process of reflection.
You’re doing ok. It’s possibly the hardest job on the planet, raising the next generation of community members.
It’s at least simultaneously the most privileged and under paid one too.
Keep up the great work.
On target 20 Yilus today and completed 38 weeks.
6200 Yilus and 62 weeks to go.
Thanks for sharing
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