The Real Reason They Want Us to Wear Masks
I know the real reason they want us to wear masks.
Oh, I know the supposed reasons, the ones they claim are true. People say wearing masks will make everybody safer. They say masks will cut down on the spread of the Coronavirus. They say masks will help “flatten the curve,” and wearing a mask shows you care about other people. Those aren’t the real reasons they want us to wear masks. People want us to wear masks for only one reason: to make me look silly.
I realized this the first time I put a mask on. I wear glasses and have poufy hair. I pulled the mask on — and the glasses went flying off and the hair torqued into wild tufts. Three seconds of supposed hygiene, and I became a blind and deranged vagrant.
The second time I pulled one on, I managed to keep the glasses in place, but within three breaths, they had fogged a perfect gray, just as I was walking into traffic.
In time I figured out how to get a mask on without destroying my appearance or vision. I figured out how to arrange a mask so the skin around my mouth felt a little warm, but nothing more dangerous happened. I was now free to roam grocery aisles.
That’s when I encountered the most profound crime of the mask: it covers my face, but reveals my soul.
