When life gives you tomatoes, make salsa!

What do you do with a bunch of near rotting constellation cherry tomatoes and sugar plum tomatoes that are starting to get moldy? You make salsa, of course!

What is a constellation tomato you ask? Simply a cherry tomato with different colors.

Note the green ones at the bottom, but there’s also yellow, orange, red, cherry red, and various mixtures.

No salsa wouldn’t be complete without some moldy sugar plum tomatoes. They are just like cherry tomatoes except a little bit elongated. I had to pick through all of them to get the mushy and moldy ones out.

So being a fan of table-side guacamole, I thought I’d start with the basics by raiding the spice cabinet. Salt, pepper, and given that we have a cupboardful of Trader Joe’s stuff, I thought I’d go all out. Sea Salt, Cracked Rainbow Peppercorns (which smell amazing) and POGP (plain old ground pepper).

I searched our pantry for limes, but all I could find was some RealLemon juice in the fridge. I found it next to an opened container of Chick-Fil-A mustard sauce, so I took it out too just for good measure.

Since I love smoky, I thought I’d search the cupboard for something with smoke in it. Since we typically don’t keep liquid smoke stocked, this is the closest I got. Smoked paprika. It smelled amazing so I dumped some in.

After that, I started worrying about the salsa not actually having any kick. I raided the fridge again and tried to find everything as spicy as I could.

Then it occurred to me that a little Sriacha is a good thing, so I might as well find all the things with that on the label.

And some more smokey, because who doesn’t like smoke? And why not some more sweet and smoke too? Roasted garlic too? What’s not to like?

At that point I grind away. Now, I didn’t think to use a normal blender or a food processor, so I just threw it all into our Nutri-Bullet.

To say it liquefies crap is probably an exaggeration as it liqu-mushes everything into a fine, smokey, spicy milk. After a few tens of seconds, I thought I’d go for the first taste test. It looked like puke and tasted like puke, but maybe with eventually an acquired taste. Maybe it just needed a little more tinkering?

After another try or two, I decided it had the wrong type of spicy. I thought that mustard spicy might jump in and kick the other spicy in it’s rear and mellow out the tastes. I threw the chick-fil-a sauce in and also found a good green wasabi mustard in the fridge too.

I stuck in the remaining tomatoes and the mustard and hit go.

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I ended up pouring the mustard goop on top of the previous salsa, but I started to get a little queasy as it kind of looked like puke.

I ended up taking a bite or two, and much to my surprise, it tasted like puke too! As it was way too spicy, I couldn’t give it to the dogs and there was no reason to waste all those exotic spices and creativity, so I threw it in the back of the freezer to put out in a bowl at our next party to see if anyone would dare dip a chip into it.

The only problem is, I grabbed a sharpie out of the drawer to write the name on the plastic container, but I couldn’t think of a really good name for the concoction.

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