Travel to the country of sexists and homophobes

(this is a translation by Medium of a post originally posted in French)

My wife and I are not conscious and active militants for gender equality. At home, it is me who does the DIY and undertakes the building work, and it is she who cooks and cleans. However, it is also me who does the housework, and she takes care of going to reflate the tires or going to talk to the mechanic. We didn’t allocate the tasks by function of our genders, but by function of what we loved and what we hated to do. And to be honest, she does more than me, as is the case of the majority of housewives.

When we had our son, we didn’t ask ourselves who had to take care of what. We both changed his diapers, both fed him, both gave him a bath, etc. We took turns, when one wanted, or when the other couldn’t or didn’t want to. It was just natural.

For his education, we applied the same principal, without even saying it to each other. He would do what he wanted, period. He would have what he desired for a toy, without prejudice. He therefore had cars, lorries, swords, balls, spidermen… but also a doll’s tea set, a doll to give the baby’s bottle to, a buggy, a vacuum cleaner… Never did we say to him “that’s for girls” or “that’s for boys”. We worked on the basis that if he wants a toy, it’s because he fancies it, so unconsciously he needs it for his balance and his development (obviously within the limit of not becoming spoiled rotten, but that’s another question).

This year, he is 4 years old. It’s the first time that he has really made his Christmas list, with catalogs. I did it with him. When we got to the pink pages with dolls and other toys considered to be “for girls”, he asked me if it was for girls because it was in pink. Me, I responded without thinking to much on it, “it’s more for girls, but you can very well have that if you want, it’s also for boys”. And he turned the paged and went on to another thing.

A few days later, in the evening after school, we were at the table and, with a quiet voice, he asked us, “are dolls for girls?”. Then, I understand that he wanted a doll but that he was under the impression that he didn’t have the right to, due to his sex. Therefore, my wife and I told him no, that it was for everyone and that if he wanted one, it was alright to ask Santa Claus. “Did you want that one?” On his face appeared a smile of relief, with glimmering eyes, and he started to talk about the doll Snow White, or about the Rainbow Barbie. He had kept all that inside himself.

I find that moving, but also symbolic of the effect that the colors pink or blue can have in a Christmas catalog, and the responsibility that that implies for retail traders. Therefore I am tweeting this:

This very evening, I have quite a few retweets but only kind RTs, from people who understand what I’m saying and who are outraged by the fact that a child of 4 years old can be conditioned to this point by society. Then it was retweeted more and more, hundreds of times.

Since this morning, I don’t really know why, I have started to see a swarm of insults and homophobic remarks descend. I am not strictly giving it any importance, it doesn’t get to me, and I do not even wish to censure them. For me, it is important that the idiots can express themselves, otherwise we wouldn’t know that this stupidity existed, or not to this extent, and we wouldn’t know what to say to them. Therefore, let them express themselves, let them insult. All the better. That makes them visible.

That being said, I find it fascinating to see up to what extent, because my tweet has started to be seen and commented on by circles outside of my own, the kind comments from the start have been replaced by pure hatred, from a category of macho, misogynistic, homophobes… Sociologically, and on the “bubble” effect, it really is marvelous to observe. I have received hundreds of messages of this nature since this morning:

I am stopping there but I could put forward tons and tons… I tend to consider them as simple trolls who put on a front, but I have even had a guy who sent me a private message:

Not being homosexual, I have never experienced homophobia. But then, I saw it with my own eyes, nearly every minute of my day, on my screen Tweetdeck. I also saw to what point it was “communal” and that worries me a lot. Once again, I am not for censoring the imbeciles. I have always found that censorship was counter productive and that it was necessary to face up to the reality of speech, even that which displeases us, to better respond to them. But we have one hell of a job to do. Where do we start?

(P.S. I forgot to clarify. Santa Claus has obviously received his order for a doll).