Photo by William Iven

Reconnecting Part 1

Li’s Story

I don’t know what I was thinking texting her. I hadn’t spoken to Nicole in 6 years. She was on my mind for some reason today. I don’t know why. Things didn’t end well between us and it was all my fault. I don’t think I can even call our thing an “us.” There I was and there she was. We shared time together. It was 2 years off and on really. Wow! That long? I guess it was that long. I feel like a school boy with a crush. It feels good and vile all at the same time. These feelings should not be happening at all. I’ve only been married for a year.

I’m sitting here at work and I can’t freaking concentrate. Why the hell did I text her? Six years ago, I walked out on “the talk,” telling her that I didn’t want a relationship. I only wanted to be friends with benefits. She wanted more and I played her. I knew it was wrong and at the time, I didn’t care. Why did she have to make things so damned difficult? I was young and all I wanted was a good time. She was hot, fun, and smart. I had a great time with her but, every time she asked me to sleep over, I felt like my throat tighten and my lungs felt like someone filled them with cotton balls. I couldn’t breathe. I left her alone with my cold words, “I like you a lot, just not as a girlfriend.” The kiss of death for anyone getting put into the “fwb zone”.

The next day she texted me a string of profanities and something about “knowing her worth.” She deleted me from her Myspace page (yeah it was a while ago). I waited a week and tried to talk to her. I texted her asking if she was still mad. Her answer was, “No. I’m over it…and over you too.”

We went our separate ways. I found her on Facebook one day 2 years later and sent her a friend request. She added me and I found out she was engaged. She looked happy. She still lived in the same town. I went to her page a few times though, I didn’t send her any messages. She never sent me any either. I never “liked” any of her pictures and she never “liked” any of mine.

She eventually got married and had a child. Her family seemed happy together. I got married a couple of years after she did. Neither of us congratulated the other but, I am sure we looked at all of the photos on each other’s timeline. Everyone does a little Facebook lurking from time to time.

So I texted her, out of the blue, after 6 years. I saw on Facebook Messenger that she was online:

Li: hey, how are you

Nicole: Good. How are you?

Li: being lazy at work. how have you been lately.

Nicole: Great. Being a mom keeps me busy. Your wife is so beautiful btw. I loved her wedding gown. Was that a Vera Wang?

Li: Thank you! I have no idea who her dress was designed by. All I know is it cost a fortune. Your daughter is adorable. She’s going to be a cutie like her mommy.

Nicole: Thanks. She’s a terror.

Li: LOL! All kids are apparently. Got any plans for summer?

Nicole: Nope. Not really. You?

Li: Going to Cancun and maybe RI

Nicole: Sounds like fun.

Li: Yeah. Well I’ll let you go. Your family is beautiful. I’m happy for you.

Nicole: I’m happy for you too.

Did I text her for closure? What closure? I have been married for a year and a few months. Why!? Why did I go there? Why is my heart pounding? Why am I so turned on right now?

Next up: Part 2 -Nicole’s Story

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