Am I the pee werewolf?!

I did not know of this phenomenon. I’m very familiar with ‘The Drip’ — that singular spot front & centre that my wife leaves behind as a territorial marker (not every time, thank goodness) and proof-positive that ‘A woman never looks back’.

No, this sounds like flooding on a grand scale, and ‘hovering’ seems to be the villain. This astonishes me, for the solution is so very obvious. To me.

I am a self-confessed ‘squatter and kneeler’. I took to squatting the moment I was out of diapers, having never seen anyone else actually *use* the toilet in our house, so I just did what came easiest (see what I did there?). From that moment of, I never looked back. And you can’t miss at that range. Gravity!

The kneeling? It wasn’t about bad aim. It was due to a nozzle manufacturing error: unpre-dick-table lateral spray prior to reaching full operating pressure. And being a good citizen, I was sick of cleaning up after myself at home and abroad (my wife’s cousin’s place, for example). Hard on the knees, but.

Ladies, I wouldn’t recommend kneeling, but the squatting option is always there; put up the seat and plant your shoes (if you’re wearing runners) or your feet right on the porcelain. Germs can’t jump that high! And them nature does the rest. Things just … open up, really. Good for poop and childbirth too!

The classic western sit-at-the-table pose is a disaster in every respect.

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