As I sit here writing this I realize it’s been nearly two years since I’ve done any writing. Through the tears running down my cheek I realize for the first time in 6 months how alone I feel. For the past 12 years I’ve had my mother living with me. For the past 6 she’s been showing the signs of Alzheimer’s Disease, something I was already familiar with because her mother suffered from this disease before her.
Last November, her condition finally got to the stage I could no longer take care of her in my home and had to make the horrific decision to move her to a full-time Memory Care facility. She’s better off there, I’m better off too, as care-giving has started affecting my own health.
Divorced since 2006, I haven’t really lived alone since my early 20’s, nearly 45 years. It’s slowly coming to my attention that I don’t like it much. Aside from eating alone, watching movies alone, binging Netflix alone and sleeping alone, there’s also no intimate affection to be found. My little dog likes to snuggle, but it’s just not the same!
They say, “time fly’s when you’re having fun”, well that’s not quite true… it fly’s even when you’re not! Where has my life gone? I still think of myself as a young person, maybe not 23 or 38 any longer since my daughter turned 40, but I’m not ready to settle into becoming a senior either. I may not be as spry as I once was, but my heart, mind and soul are and there’s still a size 6 inside my size 18 body too!
Where do women in their 60s find a younger companion and lover? I’ve tried several of the on-line dating sites but found them lacking; many of the men are not sincere, many more are scammers and then there are the ones that are just plain creepy. I know you’re probably thinking right now… What? A woman in her 60s still wants to have sex? YES! But more than that I want a relationship too. Simply stated, my imagination runs towards an older Christian Grey, although at my age maybe not all the “kinky f*ckery”. (If you don’t know who he is… Google it!)
In hindsight, all I can say at this point is, stay as active as long as you can! Old age will come soon enough, sooner than you expect and sooner than you desire. Keep your friends and family close, share your deepest thoughts with someone, even it it is through a blog post. Let your hobbies, movies or music take you back in time, sustain your present or transport you to a brighter future.
And don’t grow old alone, if you have a choice.