When You are always Waiting for the other Shoe to Drop

When you have been through a lot of crap in life — you are always waiting for the other shoe to drop even when things are looking good. Is this fair to the person you are with? Probably not.

But it is a learned behavior and one always has to look out for oneself first.

Get ready for some contradictions in this post…

While I consider myself the ultimate optimist — I try not to be delusional. And so, when I meet someone that I like, I get attached very quickly and want things to work out. Even when this new person does everything (well, most things) right, I am looking at him through the lens of previous relationships.

I am not sure if this was a good idea or not but I shared this manner of thinking with the someone new in my life. At first he didn’t know what I was saying, probably since I hadn’t articulated it to anyone before. When I explained again, he said, “hmmmmm,”along with a nod.” A habit he has. A habit we have to work on :-). I get a lot of hmmmmmm’s from him.

I digress. After the hmmmm he held my face in his hands, stared into my eyes and said, “I am here, you are here and we are happy. Yes?”

True. I need to learn to chill. But when a new relationship has many things right about it and a couple of big things that are mighty iffy, one can’t help but fret. Nevertheless, the advice to live in the moment and enjoy what is … is wise.

Besides, what else can I do at this stage anyway? I am not going to have the conversation about being exclusive now. It’s way too soon. But our living logistics are not ideal in that he doesn’t live in my city and I shall see him for a week every six weeks. O well. I’ve had worse.

Well, it’s the beginning of the six weeks and this morning my doorman buzzed the apartment saying, “you have a package.”

I went down, still in my pajamas. I was handed a square white box wrapped in a pretty purple bow. I had no idea what it was. The box was light in weight and had no return address or any markings whatsoever. I took the elevator to my apartment, opened the door and smelled the coffee brewing. I pulled on the purple bow and opened the box. There were two petit fours in there with an envelope wedged onto the side of the box. I was so excited. I ripped the envelope open to find a note that read:

“Sorry, this is typed and not handwritten.” He does listen. I had told him that nothing was more special than a handwritten note.

“Sweets for my sweet, even though you call me your sweet, AND told me you don’t particularly like sweets. haha. Just know that I will do everything possible to give you what you want…Lots of kisses.”

My coffee maker beeped and brought me out of the trance the note had put me in. I can’t recall the last time I got a note from a man, and such a sweet note on top of that.

For now I shall enjoy the sweets with my coffee, enjoy the moment and wait for six weeks to pass.

(The purpose of this post is to figure out if this ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop’ way of thinking is a good thing. And, of course I would love it if those of you reading this would tell me if you relate to what I am saying. Ever had experiences/thoughts of those that I speak of?)

Until I date again!