Effort

Time flies. Weeks have gone by. And I doubt if I have keenly chosen the other way than that goes to my office. One or hardly two deeds in a week I am proud of. But where is the effort, I don’t see any push. Is that all I can do? I can summarize the past couple of months in a handful of activities. I am not supposed to be relieved by thinking, doing the same thing repeatedly in which I am good at. Not far ago, I loved writing. Anyhow I will reason out and carve up my way towards some writing. It used to be an inseparable part of me. Well, glad it was.

The point is I cannot keep calm and be happy about what I am and I seriously I have no idea if that’s good or bad. All I want to say and write is how desolate I am. I realize there are some adhesive habits which I perform obliviously, I see them as insignificant. But are they? I see them eating me up from inside. I totally recognize that this is nothing new, it happens with people all the time. I have ceased considering myself some miserable ape desperate for affection, this is not how it works. I made it needlessly complex, you see it’s not. Because

as you sow so shall you reap