Things to do with a baby’s skin…

All my friends are having babies. I have lots of questions like, ‘So you planned this one, right?’ or, ‘Would you tell me if I was holding her wrong?’ But I have never asked, ‘Does my skin look like hers?’ or ‘Doesn’t she have sexy skin?’

I’m probably slightly off when it comes to kids. When I met my goddaughter I said, ‘She’s so amazing. I’ll kill anyone she asks me too.’ Thankfully she can’t speak yet and I’m hoping that my violent instincts will fade before then. More recently I met her again and was surprised by the desire to put her on top of a slice of hot buttery toast and eat it. I restrained myself, just.

So with that in mind I was unusually disturbed by Maybelline’s ‘Baby’ make-up range. Why would I want to look like a person that can’t walk, talk or feed itself? Why would I want to look like I had literally just climbed out my mum’s vagina. And why, if my skewed morality allows for murder and cannibalism (in imagination only) do I find this quite so offensive?

Because Maybelline’s campaign is creepy. I don’t want to stop ageing (unless I get to be a vampire in the first season of True Blood) and I don’t want babies to be mixed up with sexuality. Babies are the result of sex, not the driving factor in attraction and I don’t think we want to blur the lines between the two, or infantalise fully grown woman. They are awesome the way they are. So please… Stop being weird Maybelline.

If you want to read a much smarter reason why babies shouldn’t be sexualised check out Andie Fox’s article Sexualising girls: what’s missing from the conversation?