So this happened….

I’m a 39-year-old female …I’m unemployed and morbidly obese, and I failed my managerial economics class. The one thing I had going for myself was that I was climbing the corporate ladder. Until I took a job that moved me across the country working for a company that made me cry…and if you know me crying makes me uncomfortable.

I managed to finish two bottles of Excedrin in 63 days. Before this, I have had bottles I had to throw away because they expired. I worked for someone who knew nothing about the business and had a knack for repeating everything I said in meetings. Yet I’m the one who is unemployed. 
The fact that I regretted taking the position on my second day should’ve told me this wasn’t going to end well. At the end of the day I’m glad I’m no longer there, I’m just annoyed that I didn’t get to leave me on my terms and that now my career has entered uncharted territory.

I’m a planner, and I did not plan for this I don’t know how to be unemployed. I do not know how not to have a set schedule …and having nowhere to go in the morning. You would think that with this new found free time that I would finally work out or read those books that are collecting dust on my bookshelf…that I bought with every intent to read. Maybe I would finally see the sunrise I have wanted to since I moved to California.

But no, I am not doing any of those things. I spend my days applying for jobs and watching reruns as I try to escape my current reality. I question my worth and beat myself up for nothing the best of this free time. I realize I have type cast myself and feel like I do not have the qualifications to work in any other industry. I worry about how I am going to pay my bills and wonder how I could have screwed up so badly.

I worked 12–14 hours days for this job that told me I wasn’t good enough to work for them. Three weeks later I’m sitting here with no clue where my life is going, with a child in college and with more debt than the average household this is free time I cannot afford literally or mentally. I never considered myself someone who defined herself by her job but this experience has shown me that I do and without a job I do not know who I am.

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