Preventing or Healing Shame in Your Child
Most of the parents become the critics for their children and they do not hesitate in punishing their children. One of the worst things which can happen as a result of this is the rise of guilt and shame in the kids. Now, it’s would be worth mentioning what the shame is. It is basically a feeling of guilt that makes a person worry about wanting or doing something. While this feeling can be true for the adults, children should have this shame and guilt inside them because it can be disastrous for their personalities. It also worth mentioning that there is a kind of shame which is actually good. For instance, when your child hesitates to go into the public without the pants on, or when he doesn’t want to wear the dirty clothes while going outside, it can actually be good thing.
However, the shame we are talking about in this article is the feeling of guilt which can occur in the child due to excessive restrictions, criticism and punishments. Although, prevention is the best way of parenting, there are also the ways you can heal shame inside your children.
Don’t act upon the urge to ridicule even if seems harmless
Ridiculing the kid for wanting something is the worst thing you can do your kid. If you say “What? Are you a baby?! Don’t you see I have enough to do taking care of your sister?” when your child needs you, your kid gets the impression that what he wants is totally unnecessary. This can bring a lot of shame and guilt inside the kid, and that’s not good for his self-esteem.
Model the behavior
Instead of yelling at the kids for doing something you don’t approve, you can actually get closer to them and tell them how bad it is to do something like that. However, you need to have better connection established with your kid in order to make them understand. For instance, if your child has the habit of peeing on the floor, it’s actually his impulse which doesn’t alarms about wrongness of this act. Remember, reprograming that impulse cannot be done with criticism, yelling and punishing. You need to be compassionate.
Encourage your children to talk about anything
This one is all about better connection with the children. Remember, you are the only source of information for your kids, and children would like to ask for anything only when they feel safe about not getting their self-esteem destroyed after asking. So, no matter how silly the questions may sound, you need to be compassionate. Don’t mock those questions either. Provide appropriate answers of those questions and you will surely be able to raise kids with high self-esteem.
Like ridiculing, punishing can be bad. In fact, it can be worse for the kids. Children need to hate bad deed, not themselves for doing those bad deeds. When you punish your kids for doing something wrong, you are actually making them feel that are bad. You surely don’t want to do that.