Rant number One. It’s about Sex.

Last Saturday night as my dance team was wrapping up our social we decided to play a game of “Most likely to”. The idea is to simultaneously point to a person who you think is most likely to do this or that. After having shared a tremendous amount of information about my personal life in the hours leading up to this moment I found myself being voted for the person “Most likely to star in a pornographic film”. I was taken over by this extremely puzzling and unidentifiable feeling. The nomination itself seemed ridiculously offensive to me. It’s not like I thought that there were people who would be more likely to do it. It’s just that I would NEVER do it. I didn’t know whether to feel sorry for their misinterpretation of my views on life, sex and relationships or to feel furious that they dared to envision me in such a deprecating position.

Let’s start with the backstory. Hello, my name is Genevieve and I have slept with 2 people none of who I was in a relationship with. Yes. Horrifying. I don’t particularly think that you ought to know how that happened, but let’s just say that in all cases I knew what I was doing and I was in control of the situation. Yes, I have sexual desires. Yes, I will fulfill them if I want to. Yes, I will occasionally change my mind on whether I want to have sexual encounters with strangers. Yes, I will sometimes feel bad after deciding to sleep with someone who in my opinion didn’t deserve to share my experience in the first place. But never will I ever let other people decide what to do with my body. I will never let society and arbitrary cultural norms dictate my actions. I will never let anyone persuade me into doing something I do not want to do in order to please them, to make them love me or to earn money for that matter.

Don’t take me wrong, I am not trying to slut shame female porn actresses. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with earning money the best way they know how to. If they honestly believe that working in pornography empowers them, who am I to argue with that? But I DO NOT agree with porn. In my humble opinion porn depicts the exact opposite of what having sex should be like. Porn makes women embody the most daring desires of men. Porn cultivates the physical act of sex rather than the feeling of it. Porn doesn’t just emphasize the subordinance of women in a sexual manner, but it also represents them as a lower species in the hierarchy of humans. The porn industry, having males as a primary target audience, focuses on whatever men find arousing, sexual. Sometimes it is things like choking a woman, beating her up, making her the man’s slave.It does not include any sensual activity such as hugging or caressing or gentle kissing that is often times the most valuable part of a sexual experience for a woman. And as you can probably already tell, I do not like doing something unless I find pleasure in it.

So imagine my surprise when the people with whom I shared the stories of ways I explored my sexuality and my opinions on what best sexual experience for me is like decided that I would do the thing that contradicts my beliefs the most. Yeah, it was confusing. I didn’t know whether I didn’t fully express my ideas or whether my audience haa a differing opinion on porn. And then I realized that the reason I was assumed likely to become a porn star and the reason why modern day slut shaming still exists is because patriarchy is still very much present in our 21st century society.

Which brings me to my next point. And this is what I want to say.

Just because a woman is in touch with her sexuality and leads an active sexual life without having a permanent partner does not mean she is a slut.

Okay, no. I’m sorry, my bad. It might. But then again that also depends on how you define the word slut. Urban Dictionary says that a slut is a woman with the morals of a man. And I don’t see how there can be anything wrong with that. Unless you’re telling me that men are pigs. Which I really don’t want to believe because that would mean that both genders are fucked. Google says a slut is a woman who has many casual sexual partners. Which is fine. If you just look at the definition, technically it shouldn’t have any negative connotation to it, should it? But then Google provides synonyms such as prostitute and whore. Okay, here’s where you’re wrong, Google. Sluts are not prostitutes or whores. We don’t get paid. We have sex for a multitude of different reasons, regardless of your decision to put us under one definition. But then again the society doesn’t care does it? The word slut has been used to describe a woman who 1) sleeps with many men without being romantically involved with them (which is the official definition) 2) does it for the sake of either getting male attention or money (which is the unspoken part that everyone assumes). In which case my bold statement stands. The real sluts are not the sluts that you describe. So tell me, why does patriarchy so adamantly object to women being as sexually adventurous as men? Why do women feel uncomfortable talking about their sexual experiences as if they are ashamed by them? Why are there women who judge other women for “promiscuous sexual behavior”? Yes, there’s a certain risk that comes with having sex outside of a relationship. But if a woman who can take care of herself decides that she finds pleasure in having a sex life, then why are we still judging her based on their her decisions that have very little to do with us? Jealousy? Fear of the unknown? Conformism? I’ll let you decide.

To tell you the truth I have since changed my opinion on whether I want to continue having casual sexual encounters. I’ve created a list of rules, which I will abide by in order to prevent myself from ever regretting a sexual experience. But they are personal rules. I would never expect other women to abide by them because they were based on personal experience and are a consequence of my feelings about my love life. They do not apply to anybody but myself.

As a conclusion I would like to say that I am in no way angry with my teammates. I just felt compelled to explain my reaction and my opinions on the matter. Just as everyone else I will face misunderstanding in life and I would just like to be able to settle it without any drama. I understand where the miscommunication might’ve happened and I would like there not to be any more in the future.