Screw Millennials. Silent Generation Parents and their Gen X Children deserve some respect and attention.

I’m a gen Xer born to Silent Generation parents. For those unfamiliar, the Silent Generation includes those born between the late 1920s through 1945. They’re sometimes referred to as Traditionalists.

My childhood was mostly happy and filled with love. I say mostly because there were things not instilled, done or not done, but the major bits were provided. I’m grateful for my parents and brothers; I’m the youngest of three boys by a 6 and 8-year gap respectively.

What I may have lost by being the youngest to exhausted parents, I gained in living through a unique reckoning that they and their Silent Generation peers were beginning.

Coming to grips with alcoholism, physical abuse, equality, and the Vietnam War all played out for parents and self-aware, perceptive kids like myself. The Greatest Generation was indisputably great in my mind for the ultimate sacrifice and bravery of men and women alike. But they did quite a number on their Silent Generation kids in the very areas — alcoholism, abuse, equality, and, indirectly, the cold shoulder given to returning Vietnam vets.

My therapist always prefaces any talk of my parents and their influence on my neuroses as “this isn’t about blaming the parents” and that’s not my intent in any of this. Quite the opposite. I embrace the warts as it’s made me who I am and part of why I’m starting this discussion.

I remember learning about “breaking the cycle” of physical abuse in high school. To be clear there was zero physical or mental abuse in my family. Oh but is there alcoholism in my extended family; Irish and Italian families probably win the award for most likely to need to become a friend of Bill.

Let’s start with me: I’m a recovering alcoholic.

My maternal grandfather died of a broken heart after my maternal grandmother died as the story went for many years. It wasn’t until 2012 that I learned from my oldest maternal cousin that he died of a broken liver — cirrhosis. This cousin of mine blazed so many trails that I benefited from: he’s a recovering alcoholic and is gay. He was brave enough to both stop drinking — his father was an alcoholic — and come out of the closet at a time when (mostly coming out) wasn’t prevalent in families.

My paternal uncle was an alcoholic; the life of the party until he wasn’t as we all got older. Two of my maternal uncles are alcoholics; another maternal cousin was both a recovering alcoholic and gay and sadly no longer with us; a paternal cousin is an alcoholic.

The decision to stop drinking was due in part to not wanting to become like my paternal uncle.

In addition to my brave cousin blazing sexual orientation equality, my mother became sick of being an Air Force wife and began to seek more independence when I was about 10. She was open with me about her battle with depression and seeing a therapist. There was always love and companionship between my parents but they were a bit of an odd match because they’re very different people. This became increasingly at issue as I entered my teens and they — like their Silent Generation peers — continued the reckoning.

My self-awareness and perceptiveness made the fact that my mom was so honest with me remarkable.

Another vivid memory was when Platoon came out and the many subsequent movies; together they helped Silent and Boomer generations acknowledge how poorly returning vets were treated. For perceptive Gen Xers like me, it ensured that regardless of politics and support for conflict and war, you support the troops and welcome home and thank the vets. I realize that Apocalypse Now was arguably the first cultural step as was the Vietnam Memorial’s opening; however, those didn’t break through to me either because of my age at the time or lack of the sort of cultural influence that would reach me.

My father was stationed in Thailand and flew reconnaissance missions. He doesn’t seem affected by the experience, perhaps because he was spared the ground battle and thankfully was never shot down.

Like many military men, however, he still resents Jane Fonda. My father is conservative on military and economic matters but socially moderate. Having a gay son puts things in perspective when you have a big heart and love of family. He’s been nothing but supportive and I knew it would be a non-issue for him.

As I continue to figure out my life amidst a mild existential crisis, I’m putting pen to paper on how the nuances of the relationship between Silent Generation and Gen Xers shaped who I am and, I imagine, so many like me. I think the relationship between these generations is fascinating and unlike others because of so much social reckoning taking place simultaneously. They were learning the errors of their ways as their kids were learning the same. Culture cannot be understated as a key driver.

Are there others out there with similar experiences and reflections?

Thanks for reading and I’ll be back with more soon.