To anyone depressed..
Let’s have a conversation. I’m going to switch between you/I through this conversation but it’s mostly a talk with myself. Let’s start at the very end of what is going to happen. I understand what you’re going through. You have a pain in your chest that you’re unable to get rid of.
You’re gonna die.
All the beauty that the world has to offer, all the love, all the experiences you are going to have will be of no use. Life will still go on without you. Life will go on. People will continue to live, love and laugh, without you.
Snow will continue to fall, snow will melt, leaves will wither and shrivel and bloom. Some things are forever, just not you.
You’re expendable. You’re of no use to this planet. People look down upon you. You look down upon yourself. Your fears overshadow your existence, then why live? Why do you want to have a life that is worthless? Why do you want to have a life when things can go on without you? Why do you want to have a life when you don’t have joy with this kind of living?
I didn’t choose to be alive. I was put on this planet as a result of someone’s actions — parents who probably loved each other when they had me, or not? I don’t know. All I know is that I am here now. I was put on this planet without a choice. Why am I put through this miserable existence without my consent?
I don’t know.
The only thing I know is that someone gave me my life. Just as my life was given to me, I cannot take it away. I can’t take away something that doesn’t belong to me. Let’s be honest, my life isn’t mine. I have a sense of self — my body, my mind, and my spirit. But the life itself, it’s isn’t mine. It was given to me without my consent, and can be taken away any moment.
I don’t have a right to take it away, just because that’s the nature of it. It has been given to me without my consent. I think, it’s a gift and not a punishment, even if it’s just a sliver of time in this entire planet’s existence. I am born and made to live. Whether it was the moment that I was chosen amongst all the cells to be made into an embryo, or whether it was coming out into this world taking my first breath — I am that which fought against all odds (and aren’t there many) and I have been created. I am that which was created for the purpose of living. And I am still here, fulfilling my purpose, beating all odds.
So, what now? What do I do with this life, that I don’t own? This is where the difference is important — I don’t own my life, not one bit, but I do own myself — not my body, not my mind, but my spirit. This feeling of self. No one gave that to me. Now, it’s time to be selfish.
If life is still going to go on without me, I am going to take everything I want from it. I am going to be selfish. I want to look at beautiful things. I want to use my arms and legs and body to explore the planet — walk, run, jump, skip, hop, trek, or just lie down and stare up at the clouds. I want to use my hands to make things I love, my voice to sing. I want to listen to pleasant things. I want to be angry. I want to feel annoyed. I want to use my lungs to shout out loud and express myself. I want to smell the fresh scent of hot bread being baked. I want to taste exotic things. I want to touch — even if it’s petting my dog or the wind on my face. I don’t give a fuck about what someone else wants from me or what life is going to do when I am no more. What I give a fuck about, is myself. So, I am not going to push myself to understand what someone else wants, I am going to understand what I feel, what I like and don’t like, what I want. I. Me. Myself. This sense of self. Live for it.