Life Lessons From Alien Movies
Shefali Srinivas

My ‘learnings’:

1. Always stay hydrated. It may be close to absolute zero on the surface of the planet you have just visited, but inside the abandoned space station where you are trying to figure out what happened to your mates, it will always be hot and humid, and you will sweat a lot. You will sweat even more when the aliens start chasing you.

2. Use a good deodorant. Because it gets hot and sweaty. See above.

3. Take regular bathroom breaks. Because when the aliens come after you…

4. Birth control. Have a kid when you feel confident you can raise it safely. Not when you are in an unknown planet with possibly dangerous alien fauna.

5. Don’t smoke. No one who smoked ever survived in an alien situation. Except Signourney Weaver.

6. Try not to be too conspicuous in how you dress. In alien situations, wear light, comfortable summer wear — t-shirts and such. The aliens will always come first for the guys dressed in heavy protective armor. They usually leave the folks dressed for the beach till the very end.

7. Develop a love interest. You may get a frightening amount of attention from the aliens, but both of you will eventually survive. We don’t really know how this will work in same sex situations, though. We don’t have enough data.

8. Being a generalist is often good. Specialists, including scientists, programmers and professional soldiers, are high priority targets for aliens, and they usually attack them first. This is true of dinosaur situations too.

9. Specialists are overrated. When the scientists and soldiers are dead, you will find that as a generalist, you will have insights about the aliens that the scientists never had, and that you can fight the aliens better than the soldiers. You will return to your home planet, and become its President.