What Can You Do, With What You Have, Where You Are? #CoronaEdition
9 Reflective Questions I’ve Asked Myself to Bring Clarity, Stay Upbeat and Stride Forwards into Action During These Challenging Times. Plus My Answers.
I love asking great questions.
The kinds of questions that make you pause, disrupt your thinking and find new insights.
I ask these questions to myself, to friends, family, clients and strangers I’ve just met. Each weekend, with a coffee in hand and my phone off, I write down the answers to 22 reflective questions. The questions centre me. They help me look back with precision and clarity, analyse how I behaved and what my feelings and thoughts are about those behaviours. They also challenge me to see things I don’t usually look for - like my impact, like what when I felt most stressed, most joyful about, and what I wasted the most like on. And they let me develop a mindset of gratitude, generosity and love for others and myself. Taking me back to re-experience beautiful moments that passed, before the rush, bustle and busyness of normal life sweeps time away.
And, in one of my roles, as a life and executive coach, it is my job to use questions to help my clients feel understood, to show them their blindspots, to reframe the stories they have told themselves about their experience and ultimately to change their paradigm.
When Corona hit, I went through a wave of emotions, feelings and thoughts each day. Some of these took me to helpful, empowering places and others didn’t. I realised that I was being reactive when what I really needed was to pause and think through what was happening clearly, with helpful questions that would ground me, uplift me and encourage me to take small steps forward to help myself, help others and re-build my business.
Here are the questions I asked myself and the my answers. I encourage you to give them a go (and let me know how it goes!).
9 Reflective Questions I’ve Asked Myself to Bring Clarity, Stay Upbeat and Stride Forwards into Action During These Challenging Times.
1. What do I feel? What is actually happening? And what are the stories you are telling yourself about what might happen?
At first, I felt fine. In total denialism or optimism.
… ‘This is happening in China, it isn’t here yet. And if does come this way, then I will spend the time just reading and write. What I have been wanting to do for a while anyway. This is the time…’
Next came the anxiety. Shit got real as stories from lockdown in Italy came in directly through my flatmate where his family are living. I started paying attention to the fast-changing news, absorbing articles at an addictive rate. The virus was in China, in Italy and number of infections were rising at a considerable rate across the globe. That is what was actally happening.
Suddenly, work opportunities became uncertain in my mind.
I lay in bed one night, realising that, a self-employed person, relying on mostly in person events, training, coaching and speaking as my source of income, I might lose my work. And therefore money to live. This might last for the year or more, I feared. Would I be able to return to my old business models even within the year?
This was a story I was telling myself about what was happening. That I would lose upcoming work and then have no money and therefore not be able to live. And that I might not be able to return to current business models this year or longer.
2. What is under my control right now?
I lay in bed one night, experiencing a strong desire to open up my laptop and review my spendings spreadsheets from the last year (every Friday, I record exactly how much I have spent by category and date in an excel doc), and to work out exactly what the minimum balance I needed to survive would be.
I told the inner concerned voice we would check first thing, and that is what I did. What is under my control is how I spend money.
I would have to start rationing my spending. What did I need to live each month? What is a nice to have? I worked out low and high limits for each category — from fixed payments (rent, bills, memberships) to basic essentials (food, toiletries, supplements/medicines, local travel) and the slightly more luxurious yet important bits in life — books, health appointments and online entertainment. Fortunately, the upcoming lack of holidays and in-person events or training helped number considerably.
The total gave me back some breathing space — it was both quantifiable and a reasonable. And something I could control.
What about back-up? I realised I might need more cash, dependent on what might happen. So, I wrote a list of people I could ask to borrow money from should I need it. Putting my pride to one side, I called the first person on the list to share my plan and see if they could help — fortunately, they said yes.
Next, I realised that supply chains would be affected. Specific foods, supplements and medicines that I need as part of my #journeytohealth diet would be harder or take longer to get. I checked my supplies and put orders on Ocado, Amazon and other e-retailers. Clearly, I wasn’t the only one to have these thoughts; Ocado’s s next delivery slot was in 4 days’ time.
What else can I control, I asked? My health, how much I consumed the news, how I spend my day. The list started to appear bigger than I thought.
3. What isn’t under my control?
I realised there was a lot I couodn’t control that I would have to come to accept might happen. That I would have to surrender to the circumstances of life that is happening to me, not as I might like it to happen.
- The holiday I was looking forward to has been cancelled and may not be refunded.
- The upcoming events and training this year I had planned to attend, contribute to, organise, see friends during, have fun, explore the world.
- Lost work. Existing clients might want to delay, postpone or cancel commitments. New clients might not have the budget or prefer the work to be in person.
- The fact I may or may not get Corona Virus. The fact I have no idea how my immune system will now react, given how weak it was last year. The fact I could end up in hospital. And although they will do their best, given the lack of resources, there is a small chance I might die.
- The fact my family and friends may or may not get Corona Virus. That they may experience it mildy or seriously. That there is a real threat to life, especially for my grandparent and some of my parents’ generation with pre-existing conditions. And if someone dies, that there will be grief and I will also be okay with time.
- That life as we know it is changing. That there is an uncertain state of play in the world. For an uncertain period of time.
- The fact we may have to be quarantined inside for an unknown amount of time. Not just weeks but months. And that we won’t know ahead of time.
4. What is important right now?
Life. It is that simple. When there is a threat to survival, survival is the most important thing. Everything else suddently felt unimportant. For once in a long time, I could look at my list of priorities, and see a clear winner.
Life for myself and others. Family, friends and the community of humanity. All important. That I must take care of myself and take care of the people around me.
I realised that staying alive might be easier if I had other things in place too: good physical, emotional and mental health. That meant, sleeping, exercising and maintaining good connected relationships. Staying truly together. Harder to do when you’re apart.
5. What do I have that I grateful for?
I am alive. Except bits of the last week or two, I have been feeling well. I have energy. I can think. Many of many health issues are not holding me back from being in the world doing stuff.
My close friends and family are alive and well. Even those with the Corona Virus are coping okay.
I am surrounded by a very supportive and loving network of friends. I’ve had the most amazing deep and long conversations every day with friends across the globe.
My life thus far has been a great adventure. I’ve learnt so much. Experienced so much. Given and received so much love.
My family. If everything goes to shit, I have my family to care for me. They will loan me money so I don’t lose my flat, I can pay for my health supplements and eat.
I’ve been given an opportunity by the circumstances of life to try something different (more on this on question 6).
6. What can I do to help others?
I can ask the human behind their role how they are doing. I can recognise that everyone is affected and needs to be heard. In the last week I have had my laptop repaired, cancelled appointments, spoken to new and existing clients, and I’ve made an effort to ask them everyone how they are doing. Within a few minutes, the conversations have become honest, deep, open — they have shared their greatest fears about what might happen for their business, family and what is making them smile every day to get through this.
I can be kind. Recognising that behind the angry words I see on Facebook, whatsapp conversations and in person, is a human that is stressed, fearful and holding onto pain. That they are not being intentionally rude or challenging. That their hoarding behaviour may coming from a place of fear. That their ignorance about the situation and why we need to stay at home is because the truth may be too hard to bear or they may not have read as much as others about what is happening.
I have noticed myself feeling triggered and wanting to lash out more. The mantra ‘empathy first’ is one I’ve been trying to practice. Reflecting back to others so they feel heard first. Trying to imagine what they are experiencing before I challenge them on their actions.
I can talk to my neighbours to see what they might need, and how they are.
I can reach out to the communities I am part of to see how feeling are and see what they need.
I can stay away from the elderly and high-risks groups and generally stay at home as much as possible to reduce contamination.
I can continue to smile at strangers when I do leave the house. Everyone still needs to be seen.
7. What is a better story I could tell about what is happening? How might this be the biggest opportunity that has ever happened in your life?
Surrender.
Rather serendipitously, the word I chose for 2020 when I wrote my annual reflections in December was surrender. 2019 taught me a lot about accepting what is, even if you don’t want it. It taught me that there are lessons to learn from everything. It taught me that when you have a fixed concrete path ahead you miss the opportunities along the way. To see what is happening is happening and that there are gifts in every moment, although they might not seem like this. This year I am lead by intentions and not goals.
I don’t know what will happen next or where I am meant to be going. However, I also know that leaders don’t need to know the answers to start. They just need to to know how to start and to actually start and find answers along the way.
So, here we are. What is happening might be the end of my plans to restart and grow various parts of my business. What is happening might also open a new door for me. A chance to reinvent, to experiment and explore.
Letting go of all my original plans and accepting the state of play, I realised it was time to realise what I do have. And how I can make this work for me.
In fact, when change happens, there was more constraints. And when there are more constraints, there is more creativity and innovation.
Newton discovered calculus and the laws of motion during the plague times in 1665.
This might be the biggest opportunity of my life because now the problem I am solving — engineering meaningful conversation and building a deeply connected world — is so real for everyone right now. We have realised that we really need each other. I need to connect and to connect meaningfully, with the added challenge of doing this virtually.
I have been designing, experimenting with and leading gatherings that help people connect deeply. There is a lot I know about connection. And it applies not just in person, but also online. This a huge opportunity to not only share what I know to help communities, organisations and other groups come together, but also for me to build spaces for the communities I am part of for real human meaningful conversation. I am a community builder at heart and in experience. My job therefore is to continue to build community in a time that really needs it.
8. What can I do, with what I have, where I am?
Theodore Roosevelt once said: ‘Do What You Can, With All You Have, Where You Are.’
A brilliant quote that Escape the City once shared on a social media post many years ago, that I spoke to me at the time. It empowered me to realise that I don’t need to have it all together to do something. I will never have it all together.
And, that I have a lot to offer as I am in this moment.
So what can I do, with what I am, where I am?
- EXERCISE. No classes but I have exercise equipment at home, and buy-able online to help me look after my body and mind. I have a park 5 minutes away I can run in and connect with nature.
- READ. I have an entire library of books (x3 Ikea bookshelves full — double layered!) to read and digest.
- WRITE. I have a brain full of ideas and notebooks of ideas. I can commit to spending more time doing deep work — finally write those blogs, that book proposal and my monthly newsletter ‘Conversations with Georgie’.
- BUILD RELATIONSHIPS. I have an amazing network of people I can spend more time getting to know deeply and to see if we can help each other.
- SHARE KNOWLEDGE ON CONNECTION. I can write up what I know about meaningful connection and conversation in the virtual space and share this blog. I can also run calls for organisations, teams and communities to teach them these skills.
- FACILITATE SUPPORT GROUPS. I can organise virtual calls for the communities I am part of to connect.
- CREATE CONNECTION TOOLS. I can create conversation menus for people to use with their friends and family to connect meaningfully.
- COACH. I can hold a listening and questioning space for anyone who needs it — to give empathy, bring clarity and problem solving.
- START MY PODCAST. I can start my podcast Conversations with Georgie and interview expert conversationalist across diverse fields.
- RECONNECT WITH MYSELF & NATURE. I can reconnect more with myself, spending time outside in nature, meditating, and self-reflecting.
- ATTEND DIVERSE GLOBAL EVENTS. I can finally attend a whole host of interesting events happening across the world that I never would have been able to.
- SAY HELLO TO NEIGHBOURS. I can knock on my neighbours’ doors (with a distance) and simply say high.
- COOKING. I can spend my time experimenting with vegetarian recipes.
- SLEEPING & EATING WELL. Sleep for 9 hours’ a night and continue to stick to my clean diet. Perhaps even experiment with this more.
- WATCH MOVIES. I can watch moves and netflix series that have been on my list for ages!
- PLAY GAMES. I can play games with my family and spend more time getting to know each other deeply. We haven’t all lived together for longer than a week since c.2014 and we have all grown and changed over this time.
- WRITE TO PEOPLE. I can write letters, emails and send voicenotes to friends to say hi and thanks.
- TEST OUT RESILIENCE PRACTICES. I can test out the resilience and healing strategies I have been learning for the last few years — breathwork, meditation…
- LISTEN TO MUSIC. I can lie on my bed and listen to my playlist of favourite tunes. And do nothing else.
- BE CREATIVE. I’m on a creative journey with the Artist’s Way again, and loving taking time to write poetry, draw, visit galleries (online) and paint!
- LEARN. So many online courses I want to do. And many now for free.
- BE THE LIGHTHOUSE. I can be positive. Share and live a story that is optimistic and helps others see the light when they are stuck in the darkness.
9. What is the smallest thing I can do right now to get started?
And now, where to start???
When you have so much choice, decision fatigue becomes inevitable.
‘What is the right way to spend time?’, I asked myself. This is the wrong question. The word ‘right’ creates a lot of pressure to make any choice, and assumes you can know and understand all the factors that are involved. In reality, you won’t know how something lands until you try it — that is why startups invest in developing MVPs (Minimum Viable Products) to test assumptions.
A better question is ‘What the smallest thing I can do right now to get started?’ To test assumptions. To do something. To get going.
I can write this post.
Writing helps me process my emotions and understand what I need to do next. It helps me communicate to others what I am doing and why. They can use my thinking to understand their own processes better. They can know how I can help them. Or how they can help me.
I’ve already started to take the first steps on the other projects.
Dream Big. Start Small.
So, I put these questions to you to answer….
‘’What can you do, with what you have, where you are?’’
Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed reading this, feel free to share it.
Curious to Read More?
I write a monthly email called ‘Conversations with Georgie’ — this is the home of my thoughts on conversation deconstruction, personal stories of finding my edge in the personal development world and musings on what it means to be human. And, in ‘lifelong learner’ style, all with plenty of insights and nuggets that I hope may resonate with you on your journey through life.
Come and join the conversation.
