How Not to Be Chronically Lazy and Get On With Stuff
Or 5 things to consider if you want to make your dreams a reality
No doubt about it, dreaming about a new and improved you is fun. I mean, if you didn’t have a fantasy future to look forward to, how on earth would you manage to make it through life in the present? It’s life-affirming (even when real life isn’t) ergo it’s good for you so don’t even think about giving it up.
But how many of the things we dream about do we actually do? Actually, that might be the wrong question. How about, how should we go about doing the things we dream about? Because a huge percentage of us simply don’t take the next step.
And dreaming about a luxury holiday and not doing it isn’t the end of the world. But dreaming of being fluent in French, starting a new business, running a marathon, making new friends, growing your own vegetables — or whatever it is you believe you could do — and then doing nothing? This is cheating yourself. Doubly or triply so if there is a pattern of inaction.
This is the point where you need to ask yourself if you’re doing no more than living in an alternative reality instead of doing what is actually attainable. If so, why?
There could be any number of emotional reasons why you’re finding it hard to get started but nestled in there will be one we all have in common — you’re human. Even Olympic standard athletes fancy a day eating chocolate and watching box sets sometimes (Ok, so I don’t actually know this but they must do, mustn’t they?). Don’t be down on yourself for being just like everyone else. We have a strong instinct to seek out comfort and if we’re fed, watered and warm we’ve conquered the elements to a large degree.
It’s no wonder changing your life can set off alarm bells and make you feel like you want to ‘run back to safety’ or even not rock the boat at all. Acknowledge this- then look beyond it. Because once you’ve expanded your life and get used to doing this new thing, it will no longer make you feel this way. It will be the new norm.
So how do you find that extra impetus? Where do you find the inner faith to change? Or you are struggling to find where your head is at the moment? Where do you get started on getting started? With number 1, of course.
1) Have a word with your inner Scarlett O’Hara*. Technically, yes, tomorrow is another day but it’s also a good excuse for doing nothing, today. If it’s been many days, months or even years since you intended to get started then this is where you need to focus.
You might have told yourself that there’s no harm in leaving it another day but add them all up and it really does make the difference. I don’t actually think this is laziness, I truly don’t. People’s dreams or goals are rarely rooted in their basic needs. And, frankly, most of us are busy and lose sight of just how long it’s been since they first had the idea.
So it’s more a matter of perspective. If you don’t view now as the right time to get started, there’s a danger it will never happen. And that’s going to lead to long term regrets.
(*I am aware that O’Hara was in fact being gutsy and positive, but haven’t most of us quoted it when we’re putting something off!?)
2) Tone up those flabby ideas. There’s a difference between a plan of action and pipe dreams and that’s detail. Nothing wrong with thinking big, of course. Your creativity and imagination could well be your best assets during these changes and will help you navigate your way round unforeseen challenges. But many a dream has popped like a balloon on contact with reality so get your practical head on and write down what you need, what is a realistic time-span, who you need on board, etc. Less exciting than dreaming, I grant you, but giving yourself a set of instructions to follow means it’s harder for you to ignore.
3) Do you actually want real change or are you reliant on a fantasy version of a happier you? Dreams are often escapism and do an efficient job of protecting our feelings, particularly when times are hard. But relying on your dream-world can mean you are then scared to fail for fear of losing that mental safety net. Because, then what will get you through?
If you often feel overwhelmed or anxious at the idea of getting started, consider scaling it all back. If baby-steps are more manageable, then so be it.
Looks to others who have achieved something similar to what you want to do — that can be of practical use as well as anything.
But you can be your own role-model too. You might not realise it, but if you dig deep you can find examples in your own past that proves you can take on change — and win. Have you changed jobs to work in a different field? Gone to live somewhere far from family and friends? Dated someone not your usual type and fallen in love? It needn’t be anything huge, just something that can give you the courage you need. Change does not have to equal failure.
4) Try as many times as you need to. Obviously, it’s not an excuse for a half-hearted attempt on the first go but there are so many people out there who have succeeded after multiple failures and are glad they persevered. You are not NASA — failure is an option and is all part and parcel of learning.
As covered in point 3), fear of failure can be so incapacitating and is no minor issue. But learning to cope with failure is a valuable life-skill. Master it and you never know what your next endeavour may be!
5) Listening to others. And, just as importantly, knowing when not to.
You should most certainly listen to others if you know people who can give you practical advice and guidance. If joining a group or evening course is relevant, then do so. It may be your dream but it doesn’t mean you have to do everything yourself and it shouldn’t dilute your sense of achievement afterwards. The world turns on making good connections! Why shouldn’t you be part of it?
Alternatively, it could be wise to keep your intentions and hopes to yourself. To be honest, this warrants a separate piece but the sad truth is not everyone has our best interests at heart. It might be that you have had negative, critical people around you in the past and their voice lives on in your head. Just as bad is if they are around you still and their disapproval is in real-time.
Don’t feel guilty that you want to make positive changes. Nobody has the right to know — let alone offer an opinion on — everything you do. You’re perfectly entitled to your own space, your own thoughts, your own path in your own life. So, if quietly getting on with what you want to do without anyone knowing works for you? You have nothing to apologise for. And if you start to make progress, then it could well give you the confidence to talk openly — and with pride — about following your dreams.
