If looks are the be-all-and-end-all of happy relationships, then why isn’t Hollywood the home of the lifelong marriage? Why are the ‘beautiful ones’ always chopping and changing partners when they’ve been married to someone who — by us ‘normal’s’ standards — is as close to perfection as anyone’s ever going to be?
Answer: because attractiveness is not always as important as we’re led to believe. And maybe…just maybe…not always the key to finding love.
Which we know already, don’t we? This isn’t a new revelation.
Just look at the old sayings; ‘beauty is only skin deep’, ‘beauty is in the…
For different types of relationships, we have different expectations. With family connections we value loyalty and unconditional love. And for friendships we want an ally we can laugh with.
But sexual/romantic relationships? That’s a whole new ballgame.
For starters, what we think we want depends on who you ask. Or, more precisely, what their age is as every generation has its own take. What our grandparents wanted — stability, complementary strengths — would feel overly reliant to us, now. But our modern requirements — independence and openness — would seem like wanting your cake and eating it to them.
The idea of ‘owning your own feelings’ has quite a simple charm, doesn’t it?
I certainly like the sound of it. It makes me feel as if, with a few changes to my attitude, I can take control of myself and, consequently, my whole life.
All I need to do is stop blaming everyone else for how I feel, understand that my emotions can be ushered in the direction of my choosing and fully embrace adulthood.
All good things.
Except, I have some reservations. Not about the benefits or the even the integrity of the premise. …
Everyone’s an expert on love and relationships.
Or at least, everyone’s got something to say on the subject, at any rate. I seem to be drowning in people sharing their experiences, telling me tales about a friend of a friend, giving me little nuggets of unsolicited advice.
You could say, it’s all quite sweet. Certainly, it’s often well-meaning. I might even go as far as to say it’s occasionally helpful. …
You don’t always get to live as you choose — you have to live as a product of the choices you’re presented with.
That’s not as defeatist as it sounds. It’s pragmatic, but it’s still hopeful. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t free to try your damndest to create the choices you want to be presented with. It doesn’t mean that anything is permanent or any problem unfixable. It doesn’t mean that people don’t change their life against all odds.
Attitude is everything.
It just means that success is not always a guarantee. You increase your chances greatly the more…
Someone criticised me the other day. I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that it really cut through and left me feeling upset, although it’s something that I’ve heard before.
What was said to me, is that I don’t tend to let on much about what I think or feel. And that part of this is that I don’t show enough gratitude or appreciation of the things people have done for me.
You’re now free to judge me as a terrible person. In your shoes, I would too, so it’s fine. All I can do is assure you that…
Last weekend I had a truly awful, traumatic experience. It wasn’t completely out of the blue in that it had been building up for a while (it relates to someone’s severe mental health issues, so none of this is about blame) but culminated in the police having to be called and refuge with friends sought out.
While I’m still a little bit jumpy and nervous, I’m fine. And a big part of that was the priceless gift of kindness that some of the people I encountered that day showed me. They were amazing in the most reassuringly unostentatious way possible.
Any modern person worth their salt has to be doing two very important things: living their best life, and taking responsibility for themselves.
You have to agree, both have merit. Life’s too short to plod along, postponing your hopes and dreams ’til the unreachable ‘tomorrow’. Blink and it’s gone. You’ll be sat in that retirement home wondering what the hell happened before you know it.
And if you don’t face up to your responsibilities, too, you’ll similarly be sat in that same retirement home no more emotionally developed than you were as a teenager.
And that’s a sin in an…
Being the owner of a hard-won wisdom, earned through experience but that deviates from the norm in any way, is a cold comfort.
Because while you might think all that first-hand experience should make you a bit of an expert on the subject — or at least have something to contribute — you’ll find it’s an uphill struggle trying to express it. Or maybe more accurately, express it and get your due respect.
I’ll give you some examples of what I’ve been up against of late: being told that I’m bad at relationships (because I’m single and the ‘wrong’ side…
If you say to someone, something along the lines of the title above — such as, love changes as you get older, because you do too — chances are, you’ll get a wistful sigh. At the very least. Because people don’t like the sound of it. They don’t like the reference to the passing years.
Why is that, I wonder? Do we fear that love, or our ability to love, starts to peter out as the years pass? That we’ll run out of steam? That it’s ever decreasing circles? …
English. Shortish. Oldish.