The In-group/out-group bias and a great modern example of where it occurs.

So, before we begin, the in-group/out-group bias is:

Sometimes referred to as “in-group favoritism,” the in-group/out-group bias is the whole “us versus them” thing. In-group is where we form groups that we identify with over shared and/or favored similarities. Out-groups are those who we see as “the others,” those we see as having unfavorable and/or opposing differences.

So, you go and post about your 5-month long archeological adventure in the Steppes of Central Asia. You show how you followed ancient roads. Found ancient never before discovered artifacts. Forged new theories about ancient civilizations. Hung out with nomadic tribes. Climbed tall peaks. Walked through uncharted valleys. Ate local delicacies. And even sang and danced in a language you could barely speak. And it was a trip of a lifetime. An adventure most people will never ever make. A trip most couldn’t handle or even survive. But you did it. And you were rightly proud of it. And because you were proud of it, it isn’t a stretch to think your family, friends and social media followers would also be proud of it. Thus, you get home and after some settling in, you decide to update your social media accounts with all the pics of the highlights of your long, well-spent adventure.

After uploading all your photos, you get ready for the endless questions all your family, friends, and followers will surely pelt you down with. Of course, it is still early, and in the first minutes you find you get no responses. Hey, fair enough. It is early, after all. So, you go and make breakfast. Have another cup of coffee. Check your phone. Still nothing. So then, you decide to give it a bit more time. People must still be sleeping. Or maybe they went out early. They mostly all have kids, so it’s not too farfetched.

But then, time passes by. And then an hour passes. And then another. And then another. And now you still haven’t heard a peep from anyone. Then you realize that it could be an algorithm problem.

Thus, surely, if it’s Facebook, then it must be Zuck’s algorithm.

Or, if Twitter, surely it’s Elon’s algorithm.

But then more hours pass, and still, nothing.

Of course, none of this sits with you well. “The algorithms.” It is perhaps one explanation. But there are other explanations as well. Other explanations that, well, you don’t like so much. But, this is bugging you. Bugging you so much that you have to know the truth. So, in order to satisfy your curiosity, you install a ‘who’s been creeping your profile’ app on your social media sites. And low and behold, the app shows you that, yes, all your family, friends, and followers saw your posts. They all lurked your entire collection. And not just a few did this — -all of them did.

So, now you’re left completely baffled. A looming sense of hurt is upon you. Why wouldn’t they just simply throw a like on your collection? Why not a message? Why did they… wait. What are you doing? Why do you expect anything from your friends, family, and social media followers? Clearly, you are being ridiculous about all of it. Soon, you come to your senses. You’re obviously being ridiculous. Since when do your family, friends, and followers owe you any such things?

So, you suck it up and give your head a shake.

However, still being left with lingering anxiety, you decide to scroll on, realizing that you need to stop being ridiculous. You scroll by the usual plethora of political hype that pollutes all mass media, and after a few miles of scrolling, you suddenly come to a complete, dead stop…

…and there you see it.

A post that did get engagement.

But not your post.

And the engagement it got was from all of your family, friends, and followers.

And it was posted at the same time you posted your collection too.

But that is only half of it.

What the real kicker here is isn’t just that they engaged this post — -it is what the post is.

What is topping your post… is a pie.

A pic of a pie. A pie, baked by a dude named Roy from your college days. Roy, who couldn’t bake then, and clearly can’t bake now. Roy, who rolls joints all day and once in a while travels over a few streets to some naturopathic clinic for a fruit juice enema. But hey, there they are, all your family, friends and followers. And now that you know that they saw your photo collection from your 5-month adventure but rushed to gush over this utterly shitty pie from the ever-breathtaking bakery work of Roy, you are left slightly hyperventilating.

So, given you were in more than great standing with everyone, what is going on here?

The issue is that humans create in-group/out-group scenarios. And what is needed to form a group is a common cause. And what drives this like no other is to find a common focus — usually an enemy. After all, hate is a much more powerful emotion than its opposites. And it’s much, much easier to act out on. Thus, it won’t take much to catalyze group formation over a common hate.

Your family, friends, and followers are not adventurers. In fact, far from. In more fact, they are the complete opposites. They are the stay-in-my-hometown-forever types. The play-it-safers. The church attendees. And the material escapists. People who barely take the huge risk of going grocery shopping at a different store. Or think that taking their kids to soccer is a big deal. And, of course, they are never found eating at a restaurant beyond the renown of the Olive Garden. Your adventure, to them, is not at all what it is to you. To you, it is the finest in lifetime accomplishments. To them, it is a painful tap on the shoulder to their continuous, lifelong acquiescence to the mundane. Their mediocrity. You made them confront the one reflection of themselves that they have tightly endeavored to evade and dismiss at all costs.

You reminded them, once again, in their own interpretation, that… they are average.

But this averageness is what binds them here — it’s their common cause.

And thus it’s easy for them not to like your post. In fact, it’s probably a relief for them. And when they see that there are no likes on your post, they aren’t going to add any either. And this is the formation of the group — the in-group. The “anti-your fantastic adventure pic collection” group. And you are the out-group. The “hate focus.” You’re “that asshole.” And sadly, this behavior is ingrained in humans. After all, it’s a human cognitive bias.

Of course, you might question your expectations at this point. You might say that, well, they really didn’t owe you anything here. And technically speaking, they don’t actually owe you. However, would it really have hurt them to drop at least a like? Is it that hard to just look at the opening pic and just like it and rush back to Roy’s ghastly pie?

Is this just you being an over-important asshole?

Maybe. But, the truth is — -they really didn’t need to make it about themselves. This didn’t have to be about them. They didn’t have to see this as a hit to their fragile self-esteems. They could have easily taken the few moments they spent jerking Roy off over his shitty pie and gave at least some of it to you. After all, there are lots of esoteric items among your collection. Roy has a pic of a pie. A fucking pie. And a shitty pie at that. Pies are a dime a dozen (literally, in some places). But that is not what this is about…

Roy makes them feel better about themselves.

The same clown who gets fruit juice dumped up his ass every other week now baking a shitty pie makes them feel better about themselves. And in this way, Roy, too, is an out-group. But unlike you, Roy has a different status. He’s the one that makes them feel better about themselves. So of course they like his post. It’s on their level. It’s average, just like them.

This makes him useful to them.

You? You are that painful reminder of the averageness that they completely are.

Either way, you’re left disappointed and hurt that you would get ghosted to such an extent. And by your very own people too. So, after swearing that you’ll never ever talk to any of them ever again, you notice you finally get a comment on one of your pics. Finally, a single comment. Of course, through all your disappointment and being almost at the point of tears, you race to see who commented on your pic. You click away with fervor to see who it is and what they have to say. And there it is. It’s Roy. And his comment says:

“Hey! No idea what you’ve been up to lately, but, why don’t you come over for a slice of pie?”