Trump and RNC: Dump Roy Moore, Back Jeffrey Dahmer

In a stunning move, only a day after Roy Moore announced his candidacy for the Alabama Senate election, the White House today announced its position and will support another candidate over the discredited “Ten Commandments Judge,” Roy Moore. Democrats complained that it was just another outrageous distraction, to direct public attention away from the horrors of the the Trump Administratoin.

Steve Bannon, suspected to be the mastermind behind the move to support a new candidate, applauded it at a rally in Birmingham for the newly endorsed candidate, Jeffrey Dahmer.

“While Judge Moore was hiding behind his law degree and merely molesting young women, Jeffrey Dahmer was out raping young men, killing them, and eating them. Moore clearly represents the tired old establishment wing of the Republican Party. Dahmer has the gumption to fight for true Republican values, as exemplified by Donald Trump, and for the overthrow of the deep state and the fake news media.”

President Trump exuberantly stated his endorsement with an early morning tweet.

“Roy Moore, soft on homosexuality and perversion. Offers only words. Sad. Jeffrey Dahmer is about deeds. Lured homosexuals back to his apartment, cut them up, and put the pieces in his freezer. Most entered the country illegally too. Dahmer good on immigration. Strong! Dahmer for Senate.”

The Chairman of the Republican National Committee, Blessed Whiteland, stated that the national Party would support Mr. Dahmer’s candidacy, or that of anyone else the President supported at that minute, including but not limited to Genghis Khan or Daffy Duck.

While President Trump was making a speech at a Bund meeting in Wisconsin on Saturday, a reporter from CNN asked him, “But hasn’t Jeffery Dahmer been dead for over twenty years?”

The President responded, “The last thing America needs is another liberal Democrat in the Senate.”

(Gerald Weaver is the author of the novel, The First First Gentleman, August 2016, London Wall Publishing. It is among other things a sly tribute to almost all the novels of Charles Dickens. His well-received first novel, Gospel Prism, was published in May 2015. Each of its twelve chapters paraphrases a great work, by Cervantes, Montaigne, Shakespeare, etc. Harold Bloom said it was “remarkable” and “charming but disturbing. Weaver also apologizes to any soul who might think this is actual fake news, rather than something like the truth that Sarah Huckabee Sanders speaks.)

Gerald Weaver is the author of two novels, The First First Gentleman, & his acclaimed first novel, Gospel Prism.

Gerald Weaver is the author of two novels, The First First Gentleman, & his acclaimed first novel, Gospel Prism.