(a comparison chart)

Caligula famously said, “Remember, that I have the right to do anything to anybody.”

Donald Trump said, “I could stand In the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose any voters.” And, recently, he has suggested that he is above the laws of the country.

Caligula appointed his favorite horse, Incitatus, to the position of Consul and to Pontifex Maximus, two of the very highest offices, in what was seen as an insult to the Roman Senate and people.

Trump appointed his horse’s ass son-in-law to be “Minister of Everything,” and placed him in charge of negotiating Middle East peace and trade relations with China and Mexico, of reforming the government, and ending the opioid epidemic. Other appointments are even less qualified.

Caligula is really the Emperor’s nickname. It means “little soldier boots” and reflects his fascination with the military, which he held from an early age. His real name was Gaius Julius Caesar, after his famous forbearer.

Trump attended a military high school and is fascinated with “my generals,” having assembled the largest concentration of military leaders in the history of the highest levels of our civilian government.

Caligula was the first Roman Emperor to demand that he, as a living Emperor, be worshipped as a god.

Trump considers the free press, the Congress, the judiciary, the opposition, and his own party to be a personal affront to his greatness, i.e. that he is above the considerations of all other men.

Caligula bragged about his sexual conquests even to the extent of publicly declaring that he had slept with the wives of friends and officials of the government.

Trump claims being famous essentially gives him a free pass to grope women. … “You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful women — I just start kissing them. I get away with it because I am famous.”

Caligula levied taxes on lawsuits, weddings and prostitution. He began auctioning the lives of the gladiators at shows. Wills that left items to his great-uncle, Tiberius, were reinterpreted to leave the items instead to Caligula. Centurions who had acquired property by plunder were forced to turn over spoils.

Trump has maintained all of his business interests, still run by his family, and which profit from those wishing to curry favor with the US President, and has made decisions regarding Turkey, Russia, China, and others, which benefit his business. His tax legislation will save him millions of dollars.

Caligula literally wallowed in luxury, allegedly rolling around in piles of money, and eating pearls.

Trump properties are notoriously gilded palaces of noveaux excesses. Only the leopard skin rugs are missing.

Caligula worked to accentuate his natural ugliness by practicing terrifying facial expressions in a mirror.

Trump holds political rallies in the middle of his Presidency.

Caligula appears to have had orange hair, per the photo of the reconstructed bust above this article. (Roman statues were colorfully painted. We are seeing them long after the paint has worn off. The reconstructed bust of Caligula was made after analyzing traces of pigment in the statues.)

Trump: See the photo of Trump

Caligula was accused of having a weird incestuous relationship (with his sister, Drusilla.)

I rest my case.

(Gerald Weaver is the author of the novel, The First First Gentleman, August 2016, London Wall Publishing. It is among other things a sly tribute to almost all the novels of Charles Dickens. His well-received first novel, Gospel Prism, was published in May 2015. Each of its twelve chapters paraphrases a great work, by Cervantes, Montaigne, Shakespeare, etc. Harold Bloom said it was “remarkable” and “charming but disturbing.” Weaver also has a BA in History from Yale, and was a teacher of Latin in the Maryland public schools.)

Gerald Weaver is the author of two novels, The First First Gentleman, & his acclaimed first novel, Gospel Prism.

Gerald Weaver is the author of two novels, The First First Gentleman, & his acclaimed first novel, Gospel Prism.