Breaking up with somebody does not mean that you showcase their flaws for the whole world to see

We all know it. High-school (or the adult world) break-ups inevitably suck.

Even if you feel relieved from the burden from having to care for another while keeping up with the fast pace nature of your job or schoolwork. Even if the separation would mean you’d have to spend more time with your worried and fretful parents who can’t leave you alone for having split from a partner they thought was the ‘OTP’.

But breaking up with somebody does not equate to talking shit about another or bitching about them behind their back (I can’t even find nicer terminology to express the harshness of these actions). It is especially not an action you should be doing after a month of being separated from each other.

Why? Simply because it is a sign that you still care about your now ex.

At one point in time, both you and your partner may have enjoyed the rooftop scenery of the hustle and bustle of night life 88 storeys below, the soft passionate kiss you placed on her lips when she streamed tears of melancholy, or the grip of his hand as he stumbled clumsily across the skating rink. His/her thoughts, feelings, actions and emotions meant so much to you because you cared for their wellbeing.

There must have been some unpleasant reason which caused you to eventually split with him/her because you felt that life could be better without the other person. But if you go around telling people that “she’s such a bitch” and “he’s such a bastard” for doing [insert action and hypocritical comment], then you’re not trying to let yourself go and move on from the broken relationship.

If there was any such thing as “caring negatively” for another, it will be exactly the concept I’m trying to present here. You still care about your ex’s thoughts, feelings, actions and emotions (you picked up these aspects because you still had one eye glued onto them) but you just react negatively to whatever you have heard or noticed about them. If it had been a person you did not care about, for example, a random student or person walking down the corridor or street, and you saw them crying, you would probably go as far as giving them a longer stare than you intended to and walk away forgetting the incident five minutes later. If it was a colleague or student from the same grade/faculty as you but you did not often talk to, you would possibly even ask them the unhelpful “Are you okay?” question (if someone is crying, obviously something is not okay) and a quick, hasty hug before running off in the opposite direction, assessing whether you had reacted appropriately.

Complaining to other people about your ex doesn’t improve the situation; others, even your closest friends, will be prone to think that you had not fully cut the ties with your former partner and that you were still thinking about someone you do not want to be associated with anymore. Your complaints soon become annoying to the general audience and everyone will begin gossiping about you behind their backs, and rest assured nothign said will be positive.

So please, do not find backstabbing your former partner verbally an excuse for expressing your emphasis that you do not care about him/her anymore. This will allow one to move on with life quicker, and to bring peace and repose to both sides.