Don’t Worry, Everything’s Fine Now

Loved this. I inflicted a recovering Catholic parenthood on my two kids but mostly I used and abused the skill by forcing them to sing Vespers with me on Sunday afternoons in Latin. And singing is code for Gregorian Chant

Magnificat anima mea Dominum

Oh, we’re not gonna do that now? I knew that …. 😳

For the most part, I think I shielded my two kids from the crazy Catholic nuttery that screwed up a huge chunk of my childhood but who can really tell? I remember once when my daughter was a senior in high school — maybe a freshman in college — I dunno, but I started qualifying myself because 8th commandment and not been to Confession in like 40 years, so why risk it now that I’m this much closer to the pearly gates? Not that I assume I’m going that direction because that would be the sin of pride, which gets you a VIP-no-waiting pass to the Satan’s Lounge….

Where was I…

Oh, yeah. Daughter, bored because I was rambling about this or that and she started thumbing through apps on my iPad and found Confessional, The Roman Catholic App! Her interest piqued, she set up a profile for herself and started scrolling through the sins. “Is that a sin?” she’d ask. “Yup,” I’d reply. “Is THAT a sin?” “Yup, a real whopper, that. Straight to Hell.” “This? And that?” “Yup and yup, mortal and venial sins.”

“Wait, what?? Classifications of sin? Like misdemeanors and felonies?” “Yup.”

“That’s just f*cked up! And all these sins are just normal life. This is all bullsh*t.” Swipe, closed.

Two sins. Cursing and something about honoring parents by not waiting until they are out of the room to curse. Twelve Hail Marys.

I think I did a pretty good job parenting this one. Crap, more pride.