Depression is real. It is! And I’m suffering from it right now. I wanted to tell the world I’m not fine. I wanted to shout out loud all the sadness I tried to hide,all the pain i tried to set a side just for me to be fine.
I want to cry but my eye need to be seen smiling. I want to be quiet but my mouth won’t stop talking. I want to be ignored but the world is so small they notice. I want to be alone but my place is so crowded. I want to be sad but i need to be happy in front of anybody.I want to be real but myself is being judge trying to be me.
I always end up being judge for who I am, yet being hated for who I’m not. Every time i tries to be someone else for them to accept me? They condemn me telling I’m fake. But when i tries to show who I really was?, they hated me.
Maybe I’m used to it. Maybe I have two faces; the one everybody can see and the one no one can see except me. What I choose to show is not the real me and what I choose to hide is the real me. I’m good at fake smiles, good of pretending I’m FINE knowing I’m NOT. Good of hiding my feelings rather than showing it. Good of playing HIDE and SEEK, I hide a lot of things while I seek for someone to find the real me. In that play no one wins but me.
Everybody knows I’m a happy, jolly and the most talkative person ever. Who loves to laugh a lot , to tease a lot and who loves to talk a lot. All my friends knows the personality I have is happiness not sadness. All of them know that feeling of happiness when I’m with them and I feel the way as well. But no one knows what I’ve been suffering the whole time. No one knows my sadness cause none of them tries to seek what I tried to hide.
No one can understand me the way I understand myself. And I’m tired of being me. Tired of everything. Tired of this untold feelings.