The Final Monday Promise

Looking back on the last year, year-and-a-half I feel dissatisfied. Work is goind well and my personal life is surviving. But I haven’t tried hard enough; i’ve taken the easy way out far too many times, especially when it comes to health and fitness. I’ve told myself I will start afresh on Saturday and stick with it. And I do stick with it. For a handful of days. Then it’s back to taking easy way outs and waiting for the end of the week to start clean on Saturday. Most people start afresh on Monday — I guess Saturday is my Monday.

I’m not proud of this. And it’s strange because I don’t do this when it comes to my professional life. I work hard at work Monday to Friday overall and I don’t take easy ways out. My lethargy outside of work does crawl in time and again but I find my way through it. It’s like this absurd split personality approach that I myself don’t get.

I get that at the very least the Saturday resrarts mean I’m not going to give up. But i’m done restarting and ready to find a way to stick it out this time. I want to be the doer and go-getter when it comes to looking after myself and my health and cleaning my room and doing laundry and washing the dishes and not being a somewhat-slob.

I know this means accepting that it’s going to be HARD and i’m going to have to figure out how to stick it out through those hard yards. My immediate future will comprise of pain, agony and watching me struggle and having to fight through it all with single-minded focus. It means that I will screw up, but I’m not going to fix it on Saturday and continue screwing up until Saturday dawns. As much as it sucks now sitting here, feeling this way that the words on this page fail to fully capture, it’s going to suck worse over the next few months. But a few months later it won’t suck to sit here and write a post about how proud I am of my effort and where I have gotten to.

Suffer the pain of discipline, or suffer the pain of regret they say. I guess i’m looking to change my choice of pain.